Brenda's Bicycles

The warmth of the bright morning sun feels incredibly satisfying as it shines down from the blue cloudless sky above. My body has been craving such a moment as this—a moment in which I am able to once again enjoy this pleasant and relaxing source of penetrating morning heat while lying stretched out in my favorite hammock.

For several days, the Yucatan peninsula has been caught up in the same massive cold front that has engulfed southern Florida. Cloudy skies and uncharacteristically cold temperatures have taken up short-term residence.

I actually love cold winters and snow. In fact, one of my favorite mountain memories is of a time a few years ago when I hiked four miles on snowshoes in nine-degree-below-zero temperatures (Fahrenheit). The deep snow, the frigid mountain air, and the unbelievable alpine scenery were invigorating and unforgettable. On that hike, I was actually warm and toasty, even sweaty—all because I was dressed in proper protective clothing.

I used to think it to be so utterly silly when people whined about fifty degree temperatures as being cold. Now I am amazed by how a little personal experience has shifted my entire perspective.

For seven months now, I have gradually adapted to hot sticky weather with constant and often intense humidity. Such prolonged thermal adaptation has conditioned me to the point that temperatures that used to feel cool and pleasant now actually feel cold. I cannot believe I am saying this, but when adding high humidity to the mix, prolonged temperatures in the upper fifties can feel downright freezing.

But the real source of my bodily discomfort comes from two other factors—both related to preparation and living conditions.

First of all, other than one pair of long jeans and a light sweatshirt, my limited wardrobe is entirely devoted to capris and lightweight blouses. I am simply not prepared with proper clothing to spend time in cooler temperatures.

Second, and even more important, is the fact that most homes in the Yucatan area are not outfitted for cold temperatures. Central heating is unheard of, and even space heaters are extremely rare. As is quite common, the windows in my small private room have no glass. Wooden shutters do provide privacy, and window screens keep the mosquitoes out—but the cool night air flows freely over and around the cold concrete walls and tile floors. With each subsequent cool day, the concrete seems to grow even colder.

Sleeping in my room at night, wrapped up in my sweatshirt and covered only by two thin lightweight blankets, reminds me of an experience I had late last winter with my dear friends Lori and Jeanette. The three of us went camping in southern Utah with a fun new group of friends. During those long winter nights the temperatures dipped down into the low thirties. Even with all the preparation in the world—warm sleeping bags, heavy blankets, long johns, and thick winter coats—we simply could not get or remain comfortably warm in our tent.

While the temperatures here in Valladolid have only been dropping into the upper fifties at night, the feeling of being chilled to the bone has been much the same as on that memorable camping trip. I am rapidly gaining a new appreciation for the comforts of having a warm cozy home with central heating, thick warm blankets, and yes, even a brightly glowing fireplace with radiant dancing flames.

Today’s newfound heat is teasing, somewhat transient. Even now, as the sun moves behind a tree, the feeling of bone-chilling cold returns, reminding me to take nothing for granted. A quick look at the weather forecast seems to indicate that normal weather patterns should return within another few days. Excitement flows through my veins as I anticipate a resumption of warmer and more comfortable temperatures.

Foot Fodder

My foot continues to heal at a very gradual and consistent pace. As Dr. Gomez assured me would happen, the once-large open wound is steadily filling in. Beginning at the outer edges, new skin is slowly growing toward the center of the circle. The diminishing skinless area has now been reduced to a small section that is roughly one inch wide and one half inch tall. Small bands of scabs gradually form around the edges of the wound, eventually leaving behind hard pink young skin as the scabs work their way toward the center. One small skinless area still remains slightly indented as the seeming-magical healing tissue slowly builds its way back toward skin-level.

The human body is such an amazing self-healing creation. The already healed surface area looks surprisingly normal. While it is still pinkish, slightly swollen, and hard, the new skin is smooth and level with the rest of my foot—giving me the impression that my foot will actually look quite ordinary when the healing process is complete.

However, Dr. Gomez is quick to remind me that even though it appears to be quite normal, the new skin is technically not skin at all. The scientist in him seems to feel a need to teach me that what I see as new skin is actually scar tissue. While this replacement tissue looks like and acts like new skin, it contains neither sweat glands nor hair follicles.

When I question him, Dr. Gomez adds, “But your wound is small enough that any detrimental effect of not having sweat glands is totally insignificant.”

I am not the least bit worried about sweat glands—and since I am not a Hobbit, I am not too concerned about a lack of hair follicles on the inside edge of my foot either.

While Dr. Gomez continues to predict that my healing may be complete very soon, I am totally at peace with whatever happens. Having no attachment whatsoever to any timeframe is so incredibly freeing.

Besides, I love the growth experiences that I am going through right here in Valladolid, Yucatan, Mexico.

Social Explorations

This week has proven to be another interesting safari into the wild natural world of ever-changing social relationships. But the dense jungles through which my lifelong expeditions have taken me are not of this world—they have been totally created within the hidden corners of my own mind. The ferocious lions, charging rhinoceroses, laughing hyenas, poisonous cobras, and creeping tarantulas are all my own imaginary creations.

At the time of my last writing, I was quite puzzled by feelings of continued judgment and sense of separation from others. I quietly continued to observe others around me, while at the same time observing my own continued judgmental reactions.

I found myself feeling quite intimidated by the thought of attempting to socially reach out. Old childhood social fears continued to stalk me through the jungle—blindsiding me, like threatening predators jumping out from every dark corner.

Something about the mix of people that were at the hostel simply did not vibrate with my own energy. Even after spending considerable time working through and releasing my own projected feelings of judgment, I simply experienced no desire to be social with those people.

At times, especially in the evenings, I found myself struggling with doubt, questioning myself, judging myself for feeling so disconnected from the others. Evenings here at the hostel have often been quite fun opportunities to visit—but this week, each time I ventured into the outdoor kitchen area, I became a frightened outsider. The energy of the gathered strangers seemed to put me on alert, to push me away. I felt like a vulnerable baby elephant walking into a room full of hungry tigers.

Indeed, I felt as if I were the elephant in the room.

But on Friday, a very refreshing shift of energies brought with it some very powerful shifts in my soul.

Friday morning, a tiny peaceful internal urge caused me to expedite my morning routine. After a quick breakfast, I found myself carrying my ‘Spanish Verbs’ book out to the hammocks a full hour before I normally venture out. I expected to get an early start on my language studies, a task that I have been doing quite a lot of lately.

A few minutes later, I watched as a woman strolled down the small garden lane. I smiled at her as she plopped herself into the hammock right next to me.

“I finally made it to the hammocks.” The woman said with relief as she began chatting. “I must have eaten something bad yesterday because I felt really sick last night.”

Continuing, she added: “All through the night my mind was obsessed with the thought that I just wanted to go out to the garden and rest in the hammocks. Today, I finally made it.”

Within minutes, our energizing small talk had evolved into a full fledged deep spiritual meaning-of-life type of conversation. It did not take long before we both figured out that the whole situation seemed to be a setup by the Universe. We had both felt guided toward the hammocks early that morning—a joint prompting that allowed our amazing conversation to unfold so incredibly smoothly. Susie had gone through similar feelings of isolation during her own short stay here at the hostel. She had not felt any type of energetic connection with any of the other guests—until now that is.

As we continued our deep conversations into the early afternoon, a small internal prompting caused me to share the full details of my life journey, an event that stimulated two more hours of deep loving discussion. After a two hour late-afternoon break, we again resumed our conversation over shared dinner at a local pizza restaurant.

Through this amazing turn of events, I came to easily realize that the only thing I need to do in social situations is to bring a loving energy with me in my heart. If other people around are not vibrating in that same energy frequency—that is fine. I am not broken, and there is nothing I need to do to fix the situation.

If there is someone with whom the Universe wants me to connect, all I need do is simply listen to—and respond to—my feelings. The rest will happen all by itself.

I need not attempt to force anything. If I bring my loving energy to the table but nothing happens—then nothing is supposed to happen. I can let go of my self-questioning; I can release my critical self-judgment.

Early Saturday morning, Susie and I exchanged our goodbyes over breakfast. Her journey was already taking her to the Chiapas area, a beautiful portion of Mexico just southwest of the Yucatan, near Guatemala. In less than two weeks she will be returning to her home town of Santa Fe, New Mexico. Even though the two of us only connected for a single day, something inside tells me that our paths will most likely cross again in the future.

I cannot explain the why and how—but the past few days of my social safari have become a totally different experience. Even though I still retire to my room shortly after dark, I have been having fun, loving, meaningful conversations at nearly every turn. Just this morning, prior to beginning my writing, I had a delightful inspiring conversation with a young woman from Finland—a young woman who is questioning her future career path, searching within to decide just where she can find her own personal happiness in her own unique way—attempting to free herself from the voices of well-meaning advice givers.

My simple advice to her was to learn to have the faith to trust her own feelings—her own heart.

No one else, no matter how well intentioned they might be, has the right to tell us that our own internal passions are misguided or wrong. True happiness and peace are our sure companions as we synchronize our lives with our own inner guides.

As these past seven days rapidly approach an end, I am thrilled that I have learned such valuable lessons about myself. My internal social jungle now feels peaceful, joyful, content, and filled with gratitude. Many frightening and intimidating wild beasts have morphed into fluffy cuddly bunny rabbits.

I can honestly say that (at least for now) random social interactions with strangers no longer intimidate me. I don’t feel a need for everyone to like me nor do I expect them to resonate with my energy. My only job is to simply be—to be me—to be real and genuine—to continue my focus on learning to feel unconditional love toward everyone.

Sending out unconditional love requires no response from others. True unconditional love has no conditions. Love simply is. Love simply radiates.

If secretly sending love guides me into a new social relationship—I am thrilled by the experience.

If no such social relationship is in the works—I am equally thrilled, because I am left with more time to devote to other endeavors.

It is all so simple:  Send Love … Listen to promptings … Follow heart … Feel peace.

Copyright © 2010 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved