Early this week, Sandra followed a spur-of-the-moment intuition by bringing home something totally unexpected – a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a beautiful orange and black spotted jaguar in a lush jungle setting. After my initial giggles of surprise, the two of us began eagerly sorting through the pieces in the box. The surprise challenge seemed to be a great diversion from normal activities. Sandra and I enjoyed animated conversation as we eagerly worked together during that first evening.
I had every intention of using self-control and moderation, but soon found myself mysteriously addicted to the tedious endeavor. After staying up by myself late on that first night, I found myself back in front of the maze of tiny pieces at dawn’s first light – having only gotten about six unsatisfying hours of broken sleep.
For the next few days I tiredly obsessed with the puzzle. Had it not been for my classes with Nadia from 9 to 5, I might have sat in front of the living room table all day long. Outside of class time, most of my waking hours were tediously consumed by sorting through hundreds of pieces while attempting to distinguish colors and shapes under the dim glow of our living room lights.
Each time Sandra walked by my camping spot on the living room sofa-bed, I jokingly implored her to drag me away from the puzzle.
“Sandra, please rescue me!” I begged. “Stop me from this insane endeavor! Help me! Pull me away from here! Please, please take the puzzle back to where it came from!”
Sandra simply giggled and told me that she now knew why she had been prompted to bring the puzzle home. For some reason, Sandra had not felt the slightest desire to work on the puzzle herself ever since that first evening. As I slaved over the puzzle all by myself, I gradually began to realize that I was on my way toward experiencing new growth.
By Thursday morning my head was overflowing with constant images of puzzle pieces. Every time I attempted to meditate, my visualization flooded with countless tiny interconnecting images. I literally could not close my eyes without seeing random puzzle images. They were everywhere, seemingly never-ending, spilling over in every corner of my mind.
Friday, as I pondered during class breaks at the Flower House, I suddenly realized that the time for writing was upon me – and my strange obsession over this jaguar puzzle would be the central theme of my words.
But puzzles are not the only growth lesson of my week.
Parading Parasites
In early October, as I responded to unexpectedly guidance urging me to sign up for Nadia’s two-month holistic healing class, I decided it was time for me to “forget everything I know” and to “lower my defenses” – to sample all of the figurative foods in the healing buffet line – to quit resisting alternative treatments and to give them an honest try.
Also in early October, I began to suspect that I had been re-infested with little biological energy vampires. On October 11, just two days before beginning my classes with Nadia, I decided to get tested by the local lab. Sure enough, little amoebas were swimming all around in my intestines, freely helping themselves to my cherished nutrition.
For the first time in my life, I decided to be open-minded and to embrace alternative holistic therapies in ridding my body of the tiny parasites. During the first two weeks of Nadia’s classes we would be doing a complete parasite cleanse, consisting of special diets, an assortment of herbal supplements, and daily treatment with a bio-electric zapper that many people here insist is successful in eradicating amoebas from the body.
I hoped the alternative therapies would work for me – I actually wanted them to work – but a small part of my analytical left brain insisted on taking a “wait and see” attitude. I was raised in a home in which traditional western medicine was fully embraced while other non-traditional methods were shunned. Throughout the majority of my life I have laughed at what I once believed to be the silliness of most alternative therapies, refusing to embrace them – refusing to even give them a try. Such old belief systems are proving difficult to shift.
Throughout the last two weeks of October I repeatedly stuffed my mouth with gel-caps filled with various assortments of herbal supplements. In addition, I restricted sugars in my diet and bio-electric “zapped” for 70 minutes every day. Yet as the first of November approached, I intuitively knew that my body was still infested with the little parasites. On Monday of this week I dropped off another sample at the lab. Sure enough, my tests came back positive – the little amoebas were still swimming around in my body.
What to do?
Parasite Paradoxes
For me the answer was obvious – take my prescribed antibiotics – a ten-day dose of Metronidazol three times per day. I have taken this prescription before and it did indeed successfully kill my parasites back in July.
As I embraced my personal decision to take western medicines, I was totally unprepared for the backlash of resistance that I felt from others. Nadia was quite graceful about accepting my decision – but I could sense her deep disappointment and near-shock that my natural remedies had not worked. I felt as if she subconsciously blamed me for the failure – implying that if I only had enough faith and belief in the herbal treatments, then they would have worked. (She was probably right.)
Others were not quite so gentle. Over the course of several days, I repeatedly listened as several other people expounded on the horrible evils of antibiotics and how they poison the organs in our bodies. These conversations were not aimed directly at me. However, the fact that such topics were being frequently discussed in my presence triggered a strong (but unexpressed) emotional resistance to surge in my body.
The fact that I was feeling this deep emotion in my body told me that another growth lesson was on its way – a lesson that has been on my mind throughout the week. While working on the jaguar puzzle, I have spent countless hours pondering the issue. I now believe that I am finally beginning to understand my intuitive lesson.
It is my deeply held belief that my body is fully capable of healing itself – that this entire physical universe, including my body, is a mental projection. I believe that I am the projector of my reality, and that the way I heal my reality is to fix the projector (me) – fixing the unresolved emotional issues buried deeply in my unconscious mind, transforming old fears and judgments into pure unconditional love. My own past experience strongly confirms that the more I heal my emotional self, the more physically healthy I continue to become.
As “A Course In Miracles (ACIM)” teaches, I believe that all medicines are really “magic pills” which simply aid the mind in a placebo-like manner, giving us enough reason and faith to believe that our bodies will be physically healed. As ACIM teaches, I also believe it is absolutely OK for us to use these “magic pills” as long as our beliefs are not yet strong enough to heal ourselves without them – but ultimately it is always our Higher Mind that does the healing.
Yes, I also believe that some illnesses and physical problems are part of our path – things that we agreed to deal with in this lifetime – lessons that we chose to experience before entering our physical body. In such cases, no amount of “magic pill” treatment will present a physical cure because the illness is necessary for our growth.
So why am I taking antibiotics?
I am doing so because I have deeply held life-long beliefs telling me that antibiotics will safely help me to kill the parasites. I have not yet weaned myself fully from this long-term belief. A part of me still believes that I am not fully capable of healing myself without antibiotics.
And why didn’t the herbal/alternative treatments work?
Probably because I didn’t fully believe that such remedies would work for me. There is no doubt in my mind that these treatments do actually work for many other people – people who deeply believe that such treatments will work. As quantum physics confirms, we live in a participatory universe, meaning that the act of observing an experiment actually affects the results. When we believe that something will work, our beliefs literally affect the outcome.
The paradox comes from the fact that I ultimately believe that neither antibiotics nor herbal remedies would be necessary if my spiritual beliefs were strong enough to heal myself without them. One day I hope to achieve such a state of pure belief.
Trusting Inner Voices
But in reality, I believe that my lesson for the week has nothing to do with parasites at all. What I have figured out through all of my pondering is that my lesson has been all about remembering to trust my own internal intuitions above all outside sources.
The “old me” would have assumed that since I was spiritually prompted to participate in Nadia’s healing course, that this meant I had to fully trust Nadia’s guidance. The “new me” fully remembered a lesson that I locked into place during my Sun Course – a strong spiritual experience telling me that I will never again listen blindly to everything that another teacher says at the expense of my own personal intuition.
As I faced this week, I struggled with remembering this lesson. I desperately wanted to believe that Nadia’s and others’ solutions might be better than my own present beliefs. I deeply desired to discover that herbal remedies do indeed work for me, and that everything I am learning in my current course is important for my life.
My intuition, however, tells me that if I fully embrace herbal/homeopathic remedies, that I am simply exchanging one “magic pill” for another one. I believe that the lesson being taught to me by the Universe is that, in this instance, I need to honor my present intuition – an intuitive knowing that I should stick with my present “magic pill” until I outgrow my need for it.
For now, I will trust that intuition. I still know with all of my heart that I was prompted to participate in this holistic healing course. I have already learned some incredible things, and am continually growing in many ways. I have now learned the basics of how to give Neuro-lymphatic massages, Reflexology, Shiatsu Massage, and Teishin (acupressure using a small pointed wand) on various meridian points. Granted, I have barely scratched the surface in learning the depth of these techniques, but what I have learned is powerful and pertinent to my life.
Also, please note that I am not against things like herbal supplements and other alternative treatments for parasites. As I already indicated, I know without any doubt that such remedies do indeed work for many people. I am only stating that my intuition tells me that these treatments are not for me, and that I deeply trust that internal guidance. With all of my heart, I believe that this week’s lesson has been a setup by the Universe – parasites and all – a lesson given to me as a teaching device to remind me to follow my own heart.
Chocolate Assistant
I had a special treat last Sunday (October 31). I found out that a group of people from the current Sun and Moon Courses were participating in a full Chocolate ceremony with Keith, the Chocolate Shaman. To my delight, Keith asked if I would be his assistant for the day – and a special day it was.
For over five hours, I was blessed with the opportunity to sit in on an incredible intuitive healing session, assisting in several situations by supplying my own energies. I was deeply impressed with the quality of the deep emotional and intuitive work that took place during that session.
As I returned to my little apartment late Sunday afternoon, I was overflowing with joyful heart energy. Throughout the day, I felt as if I were fully living in my element – fully embracing my internal passions. My heart spilled over with excitement as I pondered my upcoming training with Keith – a training that will begin as soon as I finish my current course with Nadia. Something tells me that the next several months will have a huge impact on my future.
Puzzle Pondering
This morning (Saturday, Nov 6) I had every intention of re-immersing myself into my writing. But as fate would have it, I again spent my morning working on the jaguar puzzle. Beginning last night, Sandra once again joined me in the puzzle passion – and this morning, we were totally in the mood to continue together. Rather than being a silly obsession, however, the morning began with delightful conversation and sharing.
When Sandra left around mid-morning to go visit a friend, I committed to myself that I would quickly shower and begin typing away on my laptop. As soon as I began writing, however, I felt a need to run into the living room to double check regarding how many pieces were in the puzzle – a fact that I wanted to add to my writing. To my surprise, I stopped briefly to put in “just one more” piece. Three hours later, I simply giggled as I finally took a puzzle break to make a quick mid-afternoon lunch.
But something was quite different about today’s puzzling puzzle behavior. Rather than feeling obsessed with the mechanics of working on the puzzle, I was simply enjoying it as a meditative endeavor. I used the time to ponder about my upcoming writing – to think about the lessons going on in my head and in my heart.
It occurs to me that each piece of the puzzle corresponds to one element of the truth that is intuitively implanted within my heart, whereas the puzzle as a whole represents the entire truth of the Universe.
My lifelong tendency has been to focus only on the individual pieces of truth that have come to me through so many synchronous and intuitive paths. Ego has a strong and persistent tendency to tell me that I already have all of the pieces of the puzzle in front of me.
“There is no need to look for other puzzle pieces.” Spiritual ego tells me. “You simply need to work with what you already have. It is too tiring and overwhelming to search for more.”
What I am discovering during my travels, however, is that I have barely scratched the surface. I am in the process of putting together the vast puzzle of the Universe, and I am only in possession of a small portion of the pieces.
The thoughts of opening my mind to the possibility of new pieces is often overwhelming, causing me to shut down – to stop looking – to seek stability through thinking I am almost done. However, my journey continuously reminds me that there is so much more for me to learn.
A small part of me continues to resist – to sit back and to simply stare at the overwhelming number of puzzle pieces already on my table – but I am eternally grateful that my heart continues to guide me into unknown realms to discover ever increasing treasures of experience and growth.
I am grateful that the Universe is not giving me all of the pieces at the same time. If I had every one of the puzzle pieces of truth sitting right in front of me, I might be so overwhelmed that I would never even try to internalize any of them.
I am excited to continue piecing the bigger picture together – one new puzzle piece at a time.
Copyright © 2010 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved