Note: this is the final part of a three-part story. If you have not yet read the first two parts, you may want to read them first …
After a restful night, I spend Friday morning, March 30, 2012, attempting to rebalance myself, to stabilize my energy and to bring in more light. It has been an intense roller-coaster ride taking me deeper and deeper into core issues – finally reaching the deep level of the God/separation drama – to the subconscious emotional games I play out with Deity.
As I read a couple of chapters in the book, “Oneness” by Rasha, two different powerful quotes jump out at me, both deeply applying to my intense processing, both reassuring me that I am on track and not as crazy as I sometimes feel. This first is from chapter 15 on page 135, the bottom paragraph.
“Once the purification process is initiated and conscious awareness of it has made purification a priority, one can expect to experience rapid acceleration in the areas where one has focused attention. It is to be expected that there is a sense of alternately progressing and backsliding, as key life issues are brought to the surface and dealt with. Like peeling back layers of the proverbial onion, the levels of accumulated toxins tied into key life themes are addressed and released, as one becomes aware of the patterns of experience that have invited repeat performances throughout one’s lifetime. By allowing oneself to experience the depth of one’s feelings on particular life themes, one is able to release sequentially, a measure of energy charge carried, and diminish the likelihood that extreme variations on given themes will manifest as life experience.”
The second quote comes from chapter 16, page 141, and discusses the vulnerability to energetic states that are being processed (the feelings of craziness I have experienced for all of the deep core emotions I have been processing).
“For some the entire process is instantaneous. For others, focused on letting go of layers of constraint, this stage of energetic vulnerability can be prolonged and agonizing. One can continue to ride the vibrational roller-coaster throughout the transformation process. Or one can choose to step off and seize control of a vibrational state of being that one comes to realize is self-determined.”
A High Vibrational State
After reading, I begin to ponder, “Just how do I step off the roller-coaster in order to seize control of a vibrational state of being? … and if I do lock myself into a higher vibrational state, am I scamming myself and hiding from the densities that continue to influence my behavioral patterns from the hidden depths in my subconscious?”
I am fully aware that I have the ability to step into these higher vibrations and hold myself there for a while, but I am equally aware that many people do themselves a great disservice by hiding their densities underneath a layer of light and simply pretending they are not there. In fact, many people would rather die than to honestly examine the unhealed pain and issues hidden inside. The last thing I want to do is to pretend my unhealed issues are not there … yet I am tired of trying to process them while living in the neighborhood of the density itself.
I soon search my heart for memories of high vibrational states – searching for one that I can recreate in the present. As I do so, I am guided back to the mystical feelings I felt while sitting with a dear friend on the front row of a Gregg Braden workshop – one that had been life changing for my friend, and deeply inspiring for me. Gregg Braden is a well-known speaker and author who has done extensive research and work in connecting ancient spirituality with principles of modern Quantum Physics.
Late Friday morning, in preparation for the afternoon chocolate ceremony, I listen to the first CD of that ten-hour workshop. While doing so, I do everything possible to immerse myself in the tantalizing emotional memories of that magical event in March 2006.
Vibrating And Observing
Repeated energetic tingles flow through me as I walk out to Keith’s magical porch. I am happy, bubbly, talking to people, and even joking a little as the porch gradually fills up. At the beginning of ceremony, Paul makes a stupid joke, and rather than being annoyed as I may have been in the past, I counter with my own silly response. I am in such a high energy that I can even laugh with someone who has often triggered me deeply … Wow!
During the glow meditation, I again focus on the high-vibration magical feeling I had at the Gregg Braden event, repeatedly remembering and re-energizing the feeling in my heart. Afterward, as Keith begins to make his way around the porch, I continue the same, simply observing and vibrating.
I observe with interest as Paul runs around the porch doing constant energy work on this person and that person. Such behavior used to drive me crazy, but today I simply smile and observe with love. I remember another teaching from the Oneness book near the end of chapter 16, one that allowed me to disconnect from “out there” and to allow others to have their own unique process.
Pain Is Resistance
As Keith is close to completing his first round of individual work, while he works with a woman seated to my left, I suddenly experience a small-but-sharp little horizontal line of pain, perhaps six inches wide, situated just above my belly button.
“I’m reading this, aren’t I,” I use gestures to draw a line across my belly while quietly making a confident statement to Keith when he glances in my direction.
Keith initially confirms that I am reading the woman’s energy, but a few minutes later, he briefly turns back to me.
“Brenda, you are not just reading … it is something more,” Keith shares quickly.
“Is it my own pain and density?” I ask.
“Send some of your own heart’s love down there and see what happens,” Keith guides me without answering the question.
“This is something that wants to open,” I share new insights a few minutes later. “And the pain is my resistance. I’m feeling energy wanting to move down from my heart into this area … and it feels familiar.”
Energetic Punching
Keith congratulates me for my energy today as we briefly chat before he again moves on. A while later —as Keith is helping someone across the porch – I suddenly begin to feel a sharp ball of pain centered beneath my belly button, deep in my abdomen. I feel as if someone literally kicked me in the gut.
Seconds after I experience this very profound pain, without me having said anything about it, Keith is suddenly guided to turn back to work with me.
“Is this something else that wants to open?” I ask with deep curiosity after explaining what I am feeling.
Almost seamlessly, Keith begins to talk about energetic punching. Immediately, I remember an experience a few months ago – one in which I was feeling sharp bruise feelings in my abdomen. Keith had guided me to connect with a Higher Being directly in front of me. As I had done so, I instantly felt a sharp kick in my gut. At that time, Keith had taught me that the Higher Being was graphically showing me the painful reality of actual energetic punches.
“Yeah, that is exactly what I am referring to,” Keith reassures me when I remind him of this recent example.
“Did this happen to me as a child?” I ask for feedback.
Rather than answering my question, Keith encourages me to go into meditation, and to explore my own memories, feelings, and insights – following the inner breadcrumbs to explore whatever comes to me.
War Of Wills
“It feels like my mother used her ‘will’ to energetically punch me,” I soon share with Keith. “I remember being in a frequent ‘war-of-wills’ with her, but she was bigger and I was small and I eventually gave up, surrendering my will.”
Keith quickly congratulates me for intuitively accessing the word “will”. He then shares a couple of stories about how some shamans actually use their “will” to manipulate and lift physical objects.
“It is kind of like the ‘Force’ in Star Wars, like Yoda lifting the space ship using his will,” I mention to Keith.
I have a great affinity with this metaphor, along with a strong belief that such powers are quite real. I need no convincing … and given the graphic examples I have felt while personally experiencing such energetic punches, I know that they too are very real indeed.
“My mother did not know she had this ability,” I intuitively add more insights, “but she did it to me constantly when I fought back, or acted out, or rebelled, etc.”
“She literally punched you with her will,” Keith then confirms, and it was physically painful inside.”
“Like I had my breath, my life-force, and my power literally knocked out of me,” I add with clarity.
Keith then spends a while sharing wisdom and examples about how this is not only possible, but very real. For me, this time spent is quite unnecessary, but I can only assume the conversation is profoundly helping others who are listening in.
Third-Eye Sensitivities
“Go deeper with this,” Keith soon encourages me to meditate further, to follow the breadcrumbs to see where they might lead.
As he works with others, Keith periodically glances in my direction. When he does so, I share ongoing insights, going ever deeper.
“I gave up all of my power to my mother,” I share a new insight with Keith.
“Is this how I lost my power?” I ask for new clarity.
“No Brenda,” Keith responds. “But you are on the right track. It is not that simple. Go deeper.”
As I meditate ever deeper, I clearly remember actual-but-muddled examples of frequent “battles of will” with my mother. I now realize that my rebellious mouthy behavior was my attempt to stand my ground in such battles – that the punishments of cayenne pepper on my tongue and soap in my mouth were only a small part of such internal struggles to maintain my inner power and will. Soon, I begin to get a headache at the front of my forehead.
“I was psychically punched in the third eye too,” I share a hunch with Keith, “right along with all the emotions I took in from my mother when she was frustrated and impatient with me … trying to keep me in line.”
“I’m getting that the third eye headache is more about those emotions you took in,” Keith responds with confidence, “but that the energetic punching was mostly in your abdomen.”
“You do take the emotions in via your third eye,” Keith then confirms.
“I thought so, because I felt that strongly once in ceremony,” I respond. “But I have not had confirmation since … and I had begun to doubt … but that is why I am still so shut down here isn’t it? Part of me is still deeply afraid to open the third-eye sensitivities.”
Keith quickly confirms my statement.
Self-Inflicted Teenage Terrorism
“This punching literally bruised me,” I later share with Keith. “It feels as if it were tens of thousands of layers deep, obliterating my connections to things like my will, my power, my creativity, my sexuality, and my feminine nature.”
“You are doing great,” Keith confirms with a smile. “Keep going deeper.”
As I sit with this meditation, I excitedly feel wave after wave of energetic pains – and I do not feel any fear, attachment, or identification with any of them. In fact, I love that I can feel these pains as my teachers.
Soon, I express my intent and ask Higher Energies to help in releasing what I mistakenly believe to be densities.
I even connect with my inner children, asking for them to use me as an empath to help them release any emotional pains that are ready to release. This seems to work a tiny bit, but I feel considerable resistance, telling me it is not really the right approach.
Finally, as I meditate into this ‘not-working’ state, I feel strong guidance telling me to work with my inner adolescents – to take this journey forward into my teenage years.
Suddenly, the pains in my abdomen multiply and intensify to what feels like at least one-hundred times the punching that I previously felt. Intuitions then strongly remind me that, as a teen, I psychically punched and abused myself, viciously attempting to keep myself in line with my cultural programming, punching myself with all kinds of controlling and fixing energies, inundating myself with shame, self-hatred, guilt, and self-loathing.
Bringing In The Light
As I discuss these new insights with Keith, he congratulates me on the connection to teen years, and on the recognition that I had self-inflicted myself with deep energetic punching that was actually quite physically painful.
“You did all of this in the name of God, didn’t you?” Keith points out.
“Wow, yeah,” I respond with increasing insight. “This is a main source of my anger, rage, and hatred at that counterfeit version of God. All of my pain was inflicted in the name of God as I attempted to honor and follow him. It is all part of my God Drama.”
I work with this metaphorical journey for a very long time while feeling the inner energies constantly churning. Gradually, I begin to feel as if the inner knots are loosening and untying in and around the painful region surrounding my belly button. It feels as if all of that punching energy is relaxing while simultaneously dissolving those tens of thousands of layers of bruises.
“Bring in the light to help you dissolve them faster,” Keith soon encourages.
Quickly, I again return to the energy of that Gregg Braden workshop, using that feeling to help me access deep, magical, loving emotions. Shivers and chills run up and down my spine as the energies continue to move and relax. There are still lots of mild, moving, agitating pains … but they are not as sharp or painful.
Giggling At Pain
Suddenly, I begin to feel the pains rising up the back of my shoulders. In response, I simply relax and allow. Over the next thirty minutes, these unexpected pains sharpen and spread throughout the tops of my shoulders. As I surrender to these deeply hurting shoulders, I intuitively know that this is a combination of self-hatred and a feeling of carrying the emotional weight of the world on my shoulders – especially the emotions of family and loved ones. I cannot say how I know this, I just know.
After I share new unfolding elements of my journey, Keith again congratulates me for what I am doing, and for how the metaphor is expanding. I am almost giggling at the agonizing pain, in a state of pure, loving, energized peace with some extremely painful energy in my shoulders … delighted by a sense of knowing that it is coming up and on its way out.
“I have been storing huge amounts of density in my shoulders,” I ponder, “refusing to let it go, piling it on so thick that my shoulders have been literally dead-to-the-world as far as energies go … and even beginning to lock up physically.”
True To My Process
At one point, the rest of the porch is quite quiet while Keith engages me in repeated conversational bantering regarding my unfolding process and insights. Keith seems to be deeply encouraging me to continue sharing details as my process unfolds, and I am in such a beautiful energetic space, that I eagerly respond with frequent feedback about what I am experiencing.
Meanwhile, there is a woman on the porch that is having a very hard day.
“All of this talking is driving me crazy,” this woman interrupts and stares at me in the middle of my beautiful process. “Can you please stop talking and give me some quiet time to just meditate.”
“I am sorry,” I lovingly respond, “but I am in a very deep process with Keith, and he is encouraging me to continue this conversation. If this is bothering you, it is probably because you are being triggered in your own process. It is not about me.”
“Thank you for showing me how my mother tried to make me wrong for doing my emotional processing,” I soon share another statement meant with pure love. “But now, it is time for me to follow my heart and to do what I need to do.”
I continue sharing with Keith for a few more minutes, and then begin to be slightly self-conscious. Nevertheless, I am quite proud of myself for honoring my process despite the protests of another. I too become quiet for a few minutes, but am delighted when Keith again begins talking with me, again congratulating me on my continued process.”
“Wow, that was powerful for me,” I respond to Keith’s encouragement. “I feel deep self-love and self-acceptance right now.”
“You would have felt guilty before,” Keith suggests.
“Exactly,” I respond with giggles. “I would have flogged myself with guilt for being out of line and bothering or ruining the experience of others … choosing to sacrifice my needs for the sake of others … but now I love myself for being true to my process and for being loving about it too.”
Basking In The Love
Keith and I talk for a while longer as additional insights continue to flow. He seems totally interested and encouraging me. I am honored by his space-holding permission.
At 4:30 p.m., seven people arrive and inquire about participating in a ceremony. Soon, Keith is serving chocolate to them while most of those already on the porch are done for the day and choose to leave. As for me, I continue to sit peacefully in my amazing process, still feeling the density in my shoulders while now experiencing quite pleasant energy vibrations in my abdomen. Soon, I am joined by a repeat experience of the sensation of “squeamys” (squirming and screaming) in my forearms, while also noting that the rest of my body continues to become delightfully relaxed, including my usually clenched jaw.
I continue to anchor in high-vibration energy while simply allowing my process to flow as Keith talks to the new folks. I frequently ask the energies to ramp-it-up a bit, taking me to a higher level when I am ready.
At around 7:30 p.m., recognizing that I am done for the day, I pick up my belongings and decide to excuse myself from the porch. As I hug him goodnight, Keith again “wows” me with repeated congratulatory comments about what I did today.
“I think it was one of my most powerful days ever,” I respond with a glow.
“I hope this doesn’t result in another energetic backlash that sometimes happens after a major breakthrough,” I giggle, “but I will go wherever the flow takes me.”
As I prepare for bed, late on Friday evening, I bask in the profound feelings of self-love and self-acceptance – more than I have felt in a very long time. I have returned to the higher energy, at least for today, and I hope to remain in this space as much as possible in the future.
“Thank you Gregg Braden,” I whisper as I rest on my pillow. “And thank you Higher Self for the guidance to follow my heart with such beautiful energy today.”
April Fools Shivers
After spending a long Saturday writing and publishing “Imaginative Subconscious Play”, I am quite surprised when the power goes off at 9:30 p.m., less than an hour after hitting the publish button. I am delighted by the prospect of spending Saturday night, the last night of March 2012, in blissful silence – but it seems that someone at the basketball court has a generator to power the sound system and speakers. Soon, a loud religious concert/rally continues. I simply smile and go to bed.
The power remains off on Sunday morning – a beautiful April Fools day that begins with power-filled jokes. Finally, when all hope of a hot shower has vanished, I force myself to shiver under a cold spray while rapidly washing and drying my hair. I can only giggle when the power returns at 10:30 a.m., just a few minutes after I finish drying off with my towel. I am half-tempted to step back into the shower to warm myself under the electric showerhead. But alas, I have other plans.
After a quiet, relaxing morning, I again listen to another CD from that magical Gregg Braden workshop, filling my heart with more radiant heart-based vibrations, hoping for another powerful day on the porch.
Ignoring The Bait
During the first part of the ceremony, I observe with interest as Paul runs around the porch, reminding me of my mother trying to put out all of the fires before they are even lit. I simply observe with loving peace. I do not take the bait.
I watch as two women engage in obvious fixing-based energy work on others … but I simply observe with loving peace. I do not take the bait.
I again watch as Paul encourages people to detach from the group energy, asking them to instead work on each other – a behavior that has triggered me deeply many times in the past – but I simply observe with loving peace. I do not take the bait.
I watch as Keith observes all of this same behavior, doing nothing to intervene, simply allowing people’s processes to unfold in their own unique way. I simply observe with loving peace. I do not take the bait.
I watch as Paul engages in several other behaviors that have often triggered me deeply in the past. I observe with loving peace. I do not take the bait.
I then watch as Keith works with a man who had been learning to work with his triggers – not taking the bait, even when the triggers are intense. As I listen to the beautiful unfolding discussion, I clearly realize that he is talking about my process. I continue to experience the overwhelming demand of various inner voices insisting that I need to get upset … that I need to take the bait … but instead I just smile and tell myself that I am on the stage of The Muppet Show.
The bait is not even tempting.
MY Rules
Suddenly I realize I am being shown the most profound visual of my God Drama that I have ever realized or admitted to myself. I have been deeply angry at God, refusing to play the game until things are the way I want them to be, operating within MY rules … within MY comfort zone. As I ponder about the porch, it becomes clear that every judgment I have ever had about Keith, the way he does things, his tolerance for interruptions and distracting behavior by others – every bit of this is MY resentment at GOD for not playing in MY sandbox by MY rules.
“If God will just do things the way I know that the REAL God would do them, then I could be happy and play the game,” The inner ego voices have demanded. “But a REAL God would never miss an appointment, double-book another, take a break in the middle of a ceremony to change money for the kids, do a heart-breaking role-play with me, allow others to offend me, blah, blah, blah.”
“I have been massively projecting my God Drama onto Keith for a very long time,” I continue to ponder. “It seems that I won’t allow God/Higher Energies to help me until the Higher Energies come along and play in MY sandbox in the way that I believe it should happen.”
As I process while listening to the work of others, I realize that every time the porch is not the way I think it should be (based on my past conditioning), that I give away my power. I tend to lose my energy, begin to judge silently, go into my triggers and issues in profound ways, and often lose my connection to higher vibrations in the process.
A Powerful Paradox
“But, but, but,” a non-trusting part of me protests. “What if I simply observe with non-attachment, love everything that happens, and then no external changes actually do take place?”
“I know that nothing changes until I do,” the fear-based voices clamor, “but what if nothing changes AFTER I do? I do not really trust Higher Energies or this crazy create-my-own-reality stuff.”
In this portion of my God Drama, it seems that the inner liar is demanding that God give me an irrefutable showing of good faith before I will comply and allow Higher Energies to assist me. This part of me refuses to open further until outside demands are first satisfied. Basically, I want my surroundings to change or I will not play the game.
With clarity, I recognize the overwhelming tendency I have to refuse to be in the light if conditions in my surroundings do not meet my approval. I tend to give away all of my power to the surrounding conditions, when in reality, if I were to remain in my power, the surrounding conditions would not have any effect over me – whether they change or not.
This is quite the powerful paradox. Even if I pretend that certain behaviors do not bother me, it seems I have been waiting for the day that those behaviors will stop … so that then … and only then … I can be happy and actually enjoy playing the game.
“The rules have indeed changed,” I ponder with deep clarity. “It is time to learn to enjoy the game – to realize that the game is designed perfectly for me.”
Baited Reflections
As I engage in a short discussion with Keith at the end of ceremony, he is quite congratulatory, seeming very pleased with my energy and progress today. What is fascinating, however, is that I do not particularly need or crave Keith’s praise and approval tonight. I am feeling so much self-love and peaceful energy that I already have all the reward I need.
I clearly recognize that today I have again been in a very high-vibration energy state – but I also note that the baited hooks that repeatedly floated by were often tempting.
It would be foolish to think or believe that I am done with taking the bait. Today has been a powerful glimpse into where I am headed – a powerful unfolding of self-awareness and confidence that I am indeed making great progress – but I also know that until the hooks no longer tempt me in the slightest, that until those hooks and lures lose all appeal, that they will continue to dangle in front of me, waiting for my lower-energy moments.
On this April-Fools-Day evening as I prepare for bed, I no longer feel like a crazy loony bitch. I think I am going to love these new rules, once I get used to them, once I anchor myself in at higher vibration levels.
A Powerful Rulebook
Monday morning, April 2, 2012, as I meditate in my living room, I sink deep into the clutches of my God Drama. It seems that I am facing deep fear at the thought of giving up control of my sandbox – giving up control of needing things to be done my way before I will play the game.
Following a hunch, I connect to my inner children, little Bobby and Sharon, asking them to join me in meditation. After walking down into my subconscious, we locate a book of rules – a rulebook that provides structure to our sandbox. I ask my precious children to help me by taking turns ripping pages out of the book, one at a time … but as I attempt to imagine Sharon taking one of these pages to my Higher Self to be released and transmuted, I hit deep fear.
“I feel as if I am sacrificing the truth of my heart by doing this,” I ponder with deep panic. “It feels that accepting and fully loving ‘what is’ is like no longer caring, no longer trying to do things the way my heart wants to do them.”
“It feels like I am giving up and losing a genuinely fought battle,” I ponder ever deeper. “It feels like destroying these pages is like surrendering and folding … like if I do so I will lose all hope of joy and happiness in following my heart.”
A Defeated Heart
I struggle in this meditation for most of an hour, repeatedly attempting to rip a page out of the rulebook and give it to Higher Self – but repeatedly experiencing a wandering mind hampered by fears and resistance at near-terror levels. The terror is that I will lose myself if I do not maintain my sandbox.
“Wow,” I ponder in shock, “ego is strong on this one.”
I bring in light and focus on asking the light to release or transmute any density, fears, and belief systems that are ready to go. I do not judge, push, or attempt to fix myself. Instead, I simply observe what happens. I feel a great deal of energy flow, causing tingling and prickly feelings in various places, but I continue to feel intense emotional resistance to this process. It is literally as if I am losing my heart.
I actually feel pains in my heart as if it is trying to shut down, as if it is feeling defeated and giving up. I know this must be ego, an inner liar, but it feels very real and I struggle simply to observe without attachment. Finally, I give up, postponing this meditation to another time.
Light Learning
Later, as I prepare to write, I feel guided to reenter meditation – to visit just a tiny bit more with the voice of resistance that so fiercely fights this letting go. To my utter surprise, I soon begin to swear at the voice.
“Get the F@ck out of me,” I get angry at the voice. “You are not serving me anymore by refusing to allow me to play outside the sandbox. Get the F@ck out of me … go the F@ck away.”
I then imagine Bobby and Sharon approaching this voice, picking him up, and throwing him into an angelic garbage can. As I do so, I begin to cry with gut-wrenching sobs, noisy teeth chattering, and intense dry-heaves, as painful energy leaves my heart. This process is very intense for a few minutes while I simultaneously focus on remaining connected to the light – asking the light to transmute whatever is ready.
Suddenly, after one last round of coughing and dry heaving, the emotion abruptly ceases. I am not at all sure if I trust what I just did. I can only assume that at least a major layer of this energy is gone, having been transmuted to light. I know the emotion was profoundly real, I felt it to the bottom, asked the light to help, and now it is totally vanished. I am blown away with how easy that was. I am still in the process of learning to trust such a process, but there is no other viable explanation.
Finally, shortly before 10:00 a.m., I begin writing, doing the same on Tuesday, April 3. It feels delightful to be back in the mode of writing and integrating – and it feels delightful to publish two more days of back-to-back blogs – “Turning Up The Heat” and “Relentless Raging Regression Rapids, Part 1”.
New Rules, New Team
These last five days have been both intense and beautiful. Taking the words of “Oneness” to heart, I tried something new … I focused on stepping off the vibrational roller-coaster and seizing control of a higher vibrational state of being, doing so with great care to not scam myself by hiding density under a blanket of light.
With the help of blissful memories from an amazing Gregg Braden retreat, I repeatedly took myself back in time to emotional memories of vibrating magical wonder, using that state to approach and surround two amazing chocolate ceremonies. To my delight, not only were the ceremonies filled with light, but they were also filled with deep inner journeying.
I have gained deep insight into how a “war of wills” with my mother was so profoundly real in the energetic-punching department, and how I myself later took over the role of punisher, continuing to terrorize myself with real energetic punches throughout my teenage years, and even longer – doing so in the name of pleasing God.
I have also gained many profound insights into the games I play with God – delving ever deeper into the God Drama. Perhaps the most profound insight of all is that I have my own personal sandbox, my safe rule-based area where I have expected Higher Energies to play MY game by MY rules. If they refused – if the sandbox was not to my liking – I gave away my power and simply refused to play the game.
The rules really have changed, and the old world … the old game … is gone. I cannot go back and I cannot expect Higher Energies to join me when I maintain thick walls and refuse to play the new game. I do have a new team – a magical team shown to me in a very vivid dream – an amazingly supportive team of Higher Beings that have always been there for me – always making love readily available to me for the asking. But I have been so stuck in my God Drama that I refused to ask or allow.
The trick is to raise my vibrations and to remove all of the internal blocks that continue to insist that I will only play in my sandbox, on my terms.
Copyright © 2012 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved