The period of profound grace seems to be over as I awaken early on Saturday morning. As I rest in bed, I feel completely nonfunctional and rather rebellious.
I begin to ponder the porch, and as I do so, the image of Paul overwhelms my mind. I see him as ruining everything, screaming angrily at me, polluting the peace, and taking my power so that I cannot be happy in connecting with Source. I am projecting my God Drama all over Keith … and Keith (representing Source) is doing nothing to prevent the “evil” Paul from dominating and taking my power. What was profound peace on Wednesday has given way to a feeling of deep victimization.
(Before proceeding, I want to make one thing perfectly clear here. I love my parents deeply, and I honor and respect the religion of my youth. Both did the best they knew how to mold me into following in their footsteps … and I clearly know that both had the most genuine of intentions. The fact that I continue to heal suppressed and hidden anger does not take away from that love in any way.)
In reality, I recognize that I am projecting Paul as representing my parents and my religion – the people and institutions that stood over me with a controlling squirt bottle, using loving-but-firm teaching techniques and make-wrong fixing energy to prevent me from having a peaceful environment where I could connect to Source in my own unique heart-based way. I realize that deep down, I am not really angry at Paul or at Keith … I am angry at childhood adults and God … but the chain of bread crumbs goes even deeper. I am playing an angry game with God, refusing to own my power until I receive an apology.
Lost In The Stories
As I have realized before, I have a “personal sandbox” – and part of me refuses to play the game unless God/Source plays in MY sandbox by MY rules and expectations. I have bullshitted myself, creating bullshit stories for why I still struggle to connect with Source.
All the while, I know that Source energy surrounds me, stacked high on the butler trays of life, just waiting for me to take off my thick armor and to stop playing the resistance games. Why can’t I receive it … connect to it … bathe in it?
I am a wreck. I recognize that I am deep in ego stories and struggles – I know I am sinking in the quicksand of past emotion – and I know the truth about my God Drama. Yet these emotional stories are so strong and overwhelming that I am not sure whether I can or want to try to deal with them on my own.
At 9:00 a.m. on this Saturday, April 7, 2012, I begin the ten-minute stroll out to Keith’s magical porch, hoping to schedule a little time for a private session. Soon, I have a 10:30 a.m. appointment. An hour later, as I wait for my appointment, I sit in meditation, trying to maintain composure while trickles of energy play around in my crown and forehead. At the same time, confusing pressure and heaviness swirl around inside of my head. I know that something is going on with my energy. I am attempting to trust and surrender to the flow, desperately trying to simply love myself … but I am deeply lacking in trust.
The Rumor Mill
At the beginning of my session with Keith, I first fill him in on my crazy journey, explaining the deep self-awareness of my projections while simultaneously seeking validation for my subtle perceptions.
Keith and I soon discus circulating rumors that Paul is talking about me (and others) all over town – rumors of how Brenda is a negative-energy crybaby who drains the energy on the porch, and rumors about how the men on the porch seem to be ignored while Brenda gets all the help. Keith is quite aware of the rumors going around, many of which are critical of him as well. At least I am in good company.
I have been aware of the gossip for some time, knowing it is part of my training in learning to remain in my power while not caring what others might think of me. As I briefly discuss this “rumor” topic with Keith, I begin to get deeply lost in my projections. Keith then startles me even more.
“Brenda,” Keith tells me firmly, “some of your projections onto Paul are not based in any fact at all … they are totally your own mental creation.”
I am deeply hurt that Keith is not validating my feelings and perceptions … but I also know that this is my personal holodeck reality we are talking about here … and that what is really going on “out there” is not as important as dealing with the inner triggers. Whether my pains are all based in visible reality or not, they are real issues that I need to find and heal inside of myself.
Keith’s stern resistance to my attempts to further discus my projections causes my God Drama projections onto him to flare even more. I know I am projecting … I just want to talk about the projections so I can work on healing them.
Meditative Release
I am lost in the stories right now … so lost that rising above them seems like an impossibility. I seem incapable of allowing any type of connection to Higher Energies, not even through meditation, until I feel some type of validation for what I am experiencing.
Finally, after extensive and very calming conversation and deeply honest sharing, Keith simply closes his eyes and begins to meditate. I continue talking for a while about this and that, hoping to elicit a response … but Keith just silently meditates. Finally, I get the hint, give up, and just meditate too … doing so in complete silence for most of the next hour.
In this deep silence, I struggle to let go of the stories. Finally, I invite my inner children, Bobby and Sharon, to wrap up one of my stories in a blanket, and to go dump it into a garbage can. I repeat this visual metaphor over and over until the stories begin to lessen and relax. Gradually I begin to feel a little energy and peace in my body.
A Big Eraser
Throughout our conversation, before and after this long meditative interlude (but especially at the end) Keith repeatedly reminds me of the profound knowing I had on Wednesday when I was connected to a new level of grace and nonattachment – one in which Paul’s yelling attempts to draw me into conflict only gave me more loving energy vibrations.
“It is the next level of your goal,” Keith teaches me. “You were given that experience on Wednesday as a gift of grace, showing you what is possible and where you are going on your path. Now you are taking a step back down to clean up more of the densities that keep you from staying at that new level.”
“I’m trying to remember this,” I respond in humble frustration, “but I get so lost in the stories. I seem to have a huge eraser.”
We talk considerably about my “eraser” … about how I can erase all of the good memories and some of the bad ones … and not remember them again until I write about them.
“This is not uncommon for people to do,” Keith reassures me, “and you do this a lot.”
Validation Required
Near the end of our session, Keith and I talk a great deal at the rational-mind level … something I desperately need at this point in my process.
“You are in a profound flow,” Keith reminds me, “and whether others perceive you as a crying ninny or not, you are headed to a place where you will not be attached to such judgments.”
Keith even goes so far as to suggest that I am very near the end of this process, and that this is why I am being given the “wham, wham, wham” of having my old pains and patterns slammed in my face so that I can have the opportunity to not take the bait – to release and not reenergize such patterns in my life.
“The goal isn’t to just discover the dramas and games that you play with God,” Keith emphasizes to me. “It is even more important to understand the reasons why you play them.”
“I am often so angry that I won’t let go until I first get heard, validated, understood, and even get an apology,” I express new recognition. “With you and Paul, I get so lost in the stories that I refuse to reconnect to Source until the stories are heard and at least partially validated. Then, and only then can I let go of the judgment and develop more trust.”
“Brenda,” Keith congratulates me, “that is probably the most important thing you have said all day.”
Losing Identity
“You really are doing very well,” Keith again reassures me. “You are being deeply honest with your journey and making great progress. You are not there yet, but you are genuinely exploring the huge scam that you play out with yourself.”
“So I just need to know myself,” I ask for clarification. “I just need to explore and understand the games I play so that I will eventually make the choice to no longer play them?”
“More or less,” Keith responds.
In another short discussion, Keith reassures me that the way out of a story is to surrender to it … that the truth is ultimately found in the surrender.
“But part of me is afraid of getting lost in the story if I do that,” I slightly resist the concept.
“And then there is the fear of losing my identity,” I add more insight. “There is fear of losing the scam that defines me … losing myself to an unknown … yet if that ‘unknown’ is anything like I was on Wednesday when nothing could faze me, and when attack only energized me, then I WANT IT.”
Vibrational Neighborhoods
Keith and I then deeply discuss another concept that has plagued me – a metaphor that Keith had shared in my first ceremony ever with him back in July 2010. He had painted a vivid mental picture of a cockroach-infested house in a crime-ridden neighborhood … pointing out that there is no need to live in that house while cleaning up the densities from that environment. Instead, we can move to a new high-vibration neighborhood, and use that new neighborhood as a home base to work with our densities.
Keith repeatedly tells people that since we live in a free-will Universe, that the Higher Energies cannot simply take our densities from us – that would be a violation of our free will. While there are no absolute rules, we usually have to feel them to the core before the light can transmute our densities.
But in my case, when I strive to feel the density to the core, I usually end up moving back into the low-vibration neighborhood and then have an extremely difficult time extracting myself once I am there. The emotions and stories of that neighborhood consume me like quicksand, and I get stuck slogging through the pain on my own, without the assistance of the light or Higher Energies.
Keith has repeatedly encouraged me to take the light with me, or to access the light once I am at the core, but because of my deep God Drama resistance, accessing such light often becomes a daunting task. Since Christmas time, I have been gradually learning to remain connected with the light while diving deep, but the God Drama is so engrained and stuck in me that I often feel like a very slow learner.
It is often all I can do to remind myself that I, at a higher level, set up my own unique process in this way on purpose, that it is part of my profound education – part of earning my inner license to be able to have compassion for others with whom I may work in the future.
Deepening Depression
While I continue to feel tired and emotionally drained, I feel a glimmer of hope as I thank Keith profusely for spending so much personal time with me. I am shocked to note on my watch that we have been talking for nearly five hours. After a genuine hug, I begin descending down an outdoor flight of cascading stone steps that lead down to Keith’s garden. I have made this journey hundreds of times without mishap. To my surprise, as I reach the bottom step, I slip and fall to the ground below, skinning the palm of my left hand and staining my slacks.
As I stroll homeward bound, feeling a pensive peace and confidence, I ponder the metaphor of slipping and falling, landing on the left hand – the feminine, intuitive side of my body. I clearly recognize that I am far from stable, and that much of me continues to struggle with balance between the Higher Energies and working with the densities.
Later that evening, after taking notes and napping, I remain too unstable to even want to cook, so I instead head out to find my favorite burger and fries. But my special place is closed. After checking out several other restaurants, I end up bumping into a casual friend on the path. We share conversation while I munch down on pizza. I am completely unprepared for what follows.
Soon, I am listening to other stories of gossip and rumor that this friend has both witnessed and heard – stories that involve tearing me (and others) down – stories that further fuel my projections onto a certain person who constantly seems to trigger me.
As I listen to the stories, I sink into deep hopeless depression. My friend senses my vulnerability and begins to talk about how I am too isolated, always crying, and that it is not healthy. I try to explain that I am still deep in process … that I am not always like this … that what some people see is only the side of me on Keith’s porch when I am deep in emotion.
But I am lost in the stories again … too lost in the overwhelming emotions of being misjudged and misunderstood to be able to continue the conversation. I soon excuse myself to go home and isolate.
The Long Haul
Talking to this friend only shows me how much I want to isolate from consensus reality. I feel so alone and abandoned, so deeply lost in my God Drama, so deeply wanting validation and understanding but getting exactly the opposite feedback from the outside world.
This is not the first friend who has tried to tell me I am too isolated and dependant on Keith … too lost in looking to him for guidance. I use this feedback to fuel my inner resolve. Outside appearances and unstable emotions might give the world the impression that I am a crazy bitch who belongs in the psych ward of the local hospital … but I am absolutely growing big time right now. In spite of how my journey may appear externally, I know that I am deeply empowered, exactly where I need to be.
I am staying right where I am. I recognize the profound growth in what I am doing, and know that it may look to others like extreme self-destruct … but so be it … I am tearing down ego so that I can rise from the ashes like the Phoenix … my heart tells me to stay right where I am.
Whatever this process may look like to others (perhaps utterly crazy and insane), I trust me, myself, and I. I am playing out tons of lifetime emotional dysfunction and Keith is gently guiding me through that projection drama. I am profoundly growing. I am undoing ego and am on my way to awakening. As crazy as I sometimes feel, I am prepared to get even crazier. I am not running away, at least not today. I am in this for the long haul.
A Flowing Process
Early Sunday – a beautiful and sunny Easter morning – as I attempt to send an email to a dear friend, another freight train of emotions plow through me, raging for a few minutes before zooming off into the distance. When the sound of the train disappears, I am left feeling much lighter and more optimistic.
I feel as I am no longer “doing my process”. Instead, my process is “doing me”. When the flow of my process drags me through past emotions, it can often get quite frightening. But then I get profound glimpses of where I am going, as I did on Wednesday when Paul screamed at me, giving me just enough faith to keep digging ever deeper in the muck – just enough faith to keep excavating those increasingly scary places that a desperate ego-part-of-me is struggling to keep hidden.
I desire to carry this new sense of optimism into the Sunday afternoon chocolate ceremony, but as I attempt to further meditate and prepare myself to do just that, a doomsday feeling tells me to give up … that I do not want to go to ceremony today. The emotions are quite confusing.
But I do not surrender to this doomsday attack. Instead, I watch an Abraham video and listen to uplifting music. When I finally walk out to the ceremony, I am giggly and bubbly, smiling and interacting with people all along the way. I am eager to move forward into my process – wherever it may lead.
The Betrayal Energy
After drinking my chocolate, while Keith begins his usual informative discussion, I zone out and immediately begin my own individual meditative process. Quickly connecting with my inner children, I ask Bobby and Sharon to assemble a large pile of blankets in our inner conference room. We soon get to work.
As I go into deeper meditation, the emotional stories begin to flow. One by one, as each story surfaces, I ask my precious inner children to take the bullshit story, to roll it up in one of the metaphorical blankets, and then carry it off to an angelic dumpster. In the first fifteen minutes alone, we work together to dispose of at least twenty such stories. Every inner story that is not in harmony with Higher Energies gets rolled up in a large blanket and discarded.
After doing this for a while … meditating, listening, and feeling … I am suddenly overwhelmed with the awareness of intense “betrayal energy” in my life. Within seconds, a mental list forms containing profound examples of people who have triggered this energy in me in the past. The list includes two former friends, a man I almost married, a church bishop, two former coworkers, and a few situations from my youth. The list is not huge, nor is it totally complete … but it serves to trigger intense painful memories and bring great clarity.
Healing Is Futile
“This betrayal energy is the core of my God Drama,” I ponder profound insights. “It is the core of my feeling of lifelong betrayal by God. God is at the very top of my betrayal list.”
With every one of the people on my list, I have been mostly able to let go, forgive, forget, and move on with love … but even the mere thought of being in the same room with any one of them continues to trigger a feeling of deep anxiousness. I have never received an apology from any of them, and just like insights I garnered yesterday, I realize that until those people can validate, understand, and admit how and why they betrayed me, I am unable to allow them back into my life even on a casual basis.
“I am this way with God too,” I ponder with clarity. “The childhood concepts of God that were taught to me, along with layers of life experience where I felt abandoned by God, triggered feelings of deep betrayal. It seems that until I get that apology and validation from God, I cannot allow the Higher Energies to assist me. Even though I want this, the subconscious betrayal energies continue to block such assistance at every turn.”
“I am at the bottom of that five-meter wall of glass,” I ponder a metaphor Keith often uses. “This subconscious part of me absolutely knows that my feeling of betrayal by God is irreparable … that this is a proven fact based on life experience. Once I feel betrayed, it is almost impossible to undo that feeling.”
As insane as it sounds, this inner emotion dictates that I cannot repair my betrayal energy with God … there is no reason to even try … it is futile.
“Ouch,” I suddenly ponder with new painful clarity. “This is the same energy I have felt with Paul. I felt betrayed by him very early on when I first perceived his attacks on me and others. No wonder I have had such an incredibly difficult time even wanting to socialize with him on a casual basis, even though I have dropped nearly all of my projections onto him.”
Pure And Genuine Self
When the Glow Meditation ends, Keith asks if anyone wants do so some individual work. After a pause where no one speaks up, I get his attention and quickly share details of my journey and profound insights related to “betrayal energy”.
“Go deeper with this Brenda,” Keith encourages me, “Find more parallels on how this energy is related to your life.”
“These feelings of betrayal were always a result of being my pure and genuine self and then not being understood, validated, or accepted” I soon respond. “I always did the best I knew how, but if someone close to me stabbed me in the back with judgments, gossip, and slander … that was usually irreparable. Once the betrayal happened, there was no returning to the old relationship.”
After bantering a few questions and suggestions back and forth with Keith, he closes his eyes and goes into silent meditation. I take this as a clue to do the same. Soon, Keith begins to work his way around the porch.
A River Runs Through It
Recognizing that I do not have a clue as to how to heal this situation … and recognizing that a higher flow brought me here … I simply surrender to the process, asking for another gift of grace to take me where I need to go.
Meanwhile, I envision Bobby and Sharon repeatedly rolling up various parts of betrayal stories and discarding them. I do this with every person, every feeling, and every situation that has ever triggered a feeling of being betrayed, no matter how insignificant.
As silly as this might sound to rational mind, I clearly understand and believe that in working with these metaphors, I am giving loving instructions to the subconscious mind. I trust that my rational-mind understanding is not required to make this process work. While working in these metaphors, I sit back, allow, trust, and feel. As I do so, I experience a great deal of energetic aching in the front of my forehead. This tells me that this feeling of betrayal is also a key puzzle piece in the shutdown of my third-eye chakra.
Eventually, as I further attempt to leave rational thought behind, I remember a metaphor where Keith had me drift in a raft down a river that flows between two mountains. I envision each towering peak as an ominous mountain of betrayal, dominating both sides of my journey. I simply surrender and trust the flow of the river to take me safely beyond this overwhelming emotional obstacle.
“I am not doing this awakening,” I remind myself, “I am being awakened by the flow of my Higher Self … it is not something I do by myself.”
Cultural/Ancestral Betrayal
As Keith works with a woman across the way, I am drawn to pay extra close attention. Her issues are my issues in review. She has an inner child who cannot feel self-love … the love is all around but she cannot allow it in.
Keith guides her into a process of soul retrieval, of bringing back parts of herself that have been safely kept by her Higher Self. Immediately, I focus on Bobby and Sharon, imagining them in my heart, visualizing them opening a door just a crack so that part of my own true self and self-love can come back in to assist in working with this betrayal energy.
I do not feel a great deal of actual energy shifting, but I fake it, confidently knowing that this process is real at a subconscious level.
Keith soon guides this woman into understanding that her lack of self-love is part of an ancestral energetic inheritance that she is working with. I suddenly realize that there is a great deal of betrayal energy in my ancestral inheritance, most of it dealing with religion and God. I am at the culmination of generations of ancestral betrayal “God-Drama” energy, played out in a very unique way in which I am the focal point of at least four generations.
When I ask Keith for his feedback, he fully agrees that I am working with elements of cultural betrayal energy – an energy of not being supported and protected by God.
Agonizing Heart Pain
As I go deeper into this meditation, the familiar “nail-in-my-heart” spot begins to hurt profusely, not just physically but emotionally as well. The agonizing emotion seems to painfully pulse at this spot.
As I listen to Keith tell this woman how some spiritual teachers make it clear that you have to access anger to overthrow certain patterns of powerlessness, I suddenly light up with the realization that I am feeling very complacent with this energy of betrayal – that I am feeling quite powerless and helpless in overthrowing it. In fact, I have just succumbed to the fact that I cannot and will never be able to move beyond it.
Immediately, I access an intense armory of inner anger and aim it at this betrayal energy. I do not know if what I am working with is an aspect of my self, or if it is emotional density, or what it is – and I do not use my head to figure it out. I simply get angry and focus on pushing out the betrayal energy that is now so excruciatingly painful at the center of my heart chakra. As I focus this anger, I imagine this betrayal energy being sent in care of my Higher Self, letting my own Higher Energies sort out whether what I am releasing is an aspect of myself that needs to be loved and given a new job, or whether it is just density that needs to be transmuted.
I am amazed by the fact that I have no doubts. I just do it and fake it if necessary. As I proceed, I literally feel as if I am physically pushing pain out of this nail-in-my-heart spot. The pain is agonizing – actual pain that IS moving and vibrating.
Grace Versus Works
“Brenda,” Keith soon reminds me, “remember that when you first identified this painful spot in your heart last year, that it was related to a crucifixion metaphor – to a feeling of being crucified in the name of God and your religion.”
Then Keith quickly reminds me of the symbolism that today is Easter Sunday. As I ponder, a strong sense of intuition tells me that I am at the beginning stages of completing a lifelong and multigenerational pattern.
I try to imagine various metaphors to assist in releasing this painful energy at the nail-in-my-heart spot … but none of them works particularly well. Soon, I simply return to floating in my river, trusting that I, by myself, cannot do anything other than ask for grace and trust that the release will come as a part of my flow – that I could never undo this betrayal energy on my own, using only my personal rational-mind effort.
I am really beginning to understand the traditional Christian concept of grace – something that was not taught in my specific religion. Instead I was taught to focus on work, work, work … that it was only after doing all that I can do on my own that I am worthy of earning God’s reward.
I now clearly realize that it IS grace that will flow through me … that I cannot release this betrayal energy using work … I simply do not know how, nor do I have the ability to do it myself. I can only trust and allow.
Profoundly Self-Confident
Finally, when Keith returns to work with me, I excitedly share my full journey. Wow, it has been both amazing and agonizing.
“And you did it with very little effort, using the light,” Keith congratulates me.
“I feel as if I am at or near completion with this,” I share excitedly.
When Keith does not validate or deny this comment, I realize that I need to release all expectations and simply surrender to, and trust my flow.
As Keith and I talk for a few more minutes, I am blown away by my perception that no one else on the porch seems the least bit involved or impressed by what I am doing. They have no clue as to the amazing insights and events that are guiding me right now.
“And I do not need them to have a clue … or to care at all,” I silently giggle. “I know what I am doing … and Keith knows too … but I do not even need HIS feedback. I KNOW what happened through me today. I know how amazingly profound and life changing this experience has been. I am already feeling the release of betrayal energy that was held toward everyone for whom an emotional charge remained. In fact, the charges are all gone. I could hug every one of those people today, apologize to them for how I have hurt them by distancing myself from them, and mean it.”
A Betrayed Witch … NOT
Later in the ceremony, as I watch Paul work with someone, I immediately replace his face with the face of a former friend who had once deeply betrayed me. Suddenly, I achieve a whole new perspective – a clear understanding that I am not dealing with Paul here at all, but am instead dealing with my God Drama – with my emotions of rejection toward someone who has occasionally triggered my betrayal energy.
When the ceremony ends, I am so filled with love and peace that I need no validation from anyone, not even from Keith. After only a few people remain cleaning up on the porch, I ask Paul for his attention.
“Paul,” I express with deep humility, “I want to apologize to you for how profoundly I have been projecting all over you. I am deeply sorry. It has been a profound realization for me today.”
“Don’t worry about it Brenda,” Paul responds casually, “we all project onto each other. I scream at you. It is all good.”
“Wow,” I ponder silently, “I said that with pure love and was completely unattached to however Paul might have responded. And I have no attachment to whatever he may do in the future either. I feel like maybe I can return to that Wednesday state of grace – that if Paul does project onto me in the future that it will no longer faze me. And if he does things on the porch that annoy me, I will be more able to see them through present-day forgiving eyes rather than through the eyes of a betrayed witch.”
Synchronous Sacred Symbolism
I hang around for an extra half hour on Keith’s porch because he is driving to Guatemala City tonight to deliver a large order of chocolate, and Isaias is nowhere to be found. There is a slight possibility that I might need to spend the next eight hours in a whirlwind rushed late-night trip of driving and language-translation. As I wait, I have many opportunities to ask Keith for validation and feedback, but do not even feel the need to approach the subject.
Finally, shortly before 6:00 p.m., Isaias appears and I wander home for a relaxed evening. I am eager for a chance to take notes and integrate.
When I arrive at home, I have a snacking dinner of tortillas, peanut butter, and cold Hawaiian pizza. I feel as content as a bug in a rug. For the first time in a very long time I have a new bounce in my step … being incredibly lighter … as if a great deal of that weight of betrayal has been lifted.
I am blown away by the significance of the sacred metaphors. For a very long time I have felt the pain of this nail-in-my-heart spot, knowing it was related metaphorically to feeling crucified (betrayed) in the name of my childhood God and religion. Now, on Easter Sunday, I find great meaning, clarity, and closure to just how overwhelming this betrayal energy extended into all areas of my life.
On the day in which the Christian world celebrates Christ’s resurrection, a very dead part of me is literally beginning to wake up.
The timing of this synchronous sacred symbolism boggles my mind.
Pillow Pondering
As I pillow-ponder late on Easter Sunday evening, I feel as if I am finally letting go of the pattern of betrayal. Perhaps I will continue to have opportunities to prove myself in the future, but I hope to never again buy into or allow this agonizing pattern to consume me. The spotlight called “know myself” has been brightly shining and I am glowing on the inside as a result.
I know that when I am connected to Higher Energies, that literally nothing can betray me, because everyone is perfect, in their own unique process. In the realm of my perceptual reality, I recognize that everyone and everything is my creation. While I might create things that poke and prod me in the future, I hope to never again see something that I create as even being capable of betraying me.
I am excited to see how my life changes … eager to see how I can lovingly remain nonattached to, and unidentified with, the events of my life. Yes, the betrayal pattern has finally lost its sting. It may still come around a few times to check me out – to dangle an attractive hook in front of me – but I will no longer take the bait.
Time To Climb Down
I have recognized and understood a major part of my life theme … part of what I came to earth to work with. I recognize betrayal energy as a core element of my God drama – a pattern that I have repeatedly played out and projected onto others. I no longer see myself as a victim of anyone. Each person who seemingly hurt me was serving the higher good by helping me to further understand and refine this energy … until I finally got it.
In the last six months, Paul has served me beautifully by frequently pushing and twisting (in my personal perspective) that metaphorical “betrayal nail” into my heart, often triggering me into agonizing feelings of fight or flight. I now see this triggering as teaching me a great deal about myself – as helping me to understand one of the most painful aspects of my life – and I feel deep gratitude for it all.
As I fall asleep on this beautiful Easter evening, I think it is finally time to climb down from the cross.
Copyright © 2012 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved