In my youth, my bicycle gave me the freedom to explore the world around me. This symbolism was lost to me throughout most of my life, but in the last few years as I began to write my life story, the power of this symbol again resurfaced in my awareness.
It was early April of 2009. Just 18 months earlier I had walked away from a successful 29-year career as a software engineer—a career I had once loved—but which no longer spoke to my soul. I was acutely aware that in eight weeks I would be graduating with a Master of Science degree in Mental Health Counseling—and I still had no idea what I would do next. Should I pursue my LPC license, or should I follow another path? I was confused, but very aware however, that the decision must flow from my heart and not from my head.
In an attempt to figure myself out, I spent a few days in deep soul-searching and meditation, with the purpose being to identify what my own inner soul wanted me to do.
First, I asked myself “What are all of the voices in my head that don’t belong to me?” I came up with a large list of voices such as:
“Your family will expect you to do .”
“People will judge you if you don’t do .”
“You should/must do .”
“To survive financially you need to get a traditional job and …”
The list went on and on, itemizing all the rules of society, the rules of how we are supposed to live our lives, to think, to believe, to act, to feel, etc…
After finishing this process, I went deep inside and asked myself, “If I were to ignore all of these external voices and focus only on the inner desires of my soul, what is it that my soul is crying out for me do with the next phase of my life?”
In the silence and peace of my meditation, the answer was glaringly obvious: “I would finish the book that I am writing–and I would do so while traveling to various places in the world.”
My heart swelled with inner joy and excitement at the thought of throwing out all the world’s voices and listening to my own internal voices. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to write and to travel.
The next morning, I awoke from a powerful and vivid dream that was overflowing with incredible symbolism. This surprised me greatly, because I rarely remember my dreams, and do not recall ever having had a dream filled with so much symbolic content. I will not go into all of the details here, but the dream taught me in a powerful way that it is time for me to release the past and to move on to new adventures of self-discovery and spiritual growth that patiently await me. In the dream, I found myself in a room that I recognized as my living space. My spiritual guide was moving some things into the other end of the room, and I was acutely aware that he would be residing with me for a while. After a minute, I looked up at the ceiling and was surprised to see that my guide had filled the entire ceiling of my room with bicycles hanging from hooks.
As I have meditated on this dream, it has been very clear to me that each of these different colored bicycles represents a journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth—another opportunity of ‘freedom to explore’. Each is simply waiting for me to take it down, to jump on, and to ride with abandon into my next experience—and my guide is anxious to help me choose which ones to select next.
I am now taking down the first bicycle and am about to set out on my first adventure to Cozumel, Mexico. I cannot wait to see where this bicycle takes me.
© Brenda Larsen, 2009
