It seems like years since I have had the freedom to sit behind the steering wheel and to simply drive … well, actually … it really has been a couple of years, LOL.
On Wednesday morning, August 10, 2011, I am on the road by 6:30 a.m. with the sunroof wide open as I cruise down the freeway in the crisp morning air. By midday, I find myself setting up a tent in a beautiful little campground at Jacob’s Lake, a small town about a thirty-minute drive from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.
The whole day feels like play – from driving like the wind, setting up a tent surrounded by pine trees, eating lunch at a picnic table, cruising through high-mountain meadows, and hiking along the ridges of deep, treacherous canyons, taking in the breathtaking views of one of this world’s most beautiful natural wonders.
Eager to inhale every drop of the Grand Canyon’s energizing life force, I hike and meditate on numerous short trails and lookout points, refusing to leave this amazing place until shortly before sundown.
But the fun does not end there. While reveling in the dancing heat of a large campfire, I enjoy delightful conversation as two campground neighbors take turns coming over for short visits.
As the campfire fades to an orange glow, my heart glows with inner energy while I study the breathtaking skies above me.
Red-Rock Wonder
Early Thursday morning, I am right back on the road, first heading east past gorgeous red-rock cliffs before eventually crossing the Colorado River and heading south.
A few hours later, as I pass a turnoff for the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, I am now in unfamiliar territory experiencing the excitement of exploring new places.
Flagstaff, nestled high in the mountains, is more beautiful than I ever imagined. I take advantage of this gorgeous town to refuel – filling both my car and my hungry tummy – before again resuming my eager journey southward.
Soon, I am enjoying one of the delightful benefits of living in San Marcos – that of making friends from all over the world. I giggle with joy as I hug and reconnect with a dear San Marcos friend, a beautiful woman who works and lives in a retreat center near Sedona, Arizona.
Over the next twenty-four hours, my heart fills with love as the two of us share energizing conversation while swimming, hiking, and meditating together among the high-vibrational landscapes of the red-rock beauty of Sedona.
Giggling With Anticipation
By early Friday afternoon, I am again driving southbound. After several teasing attempts at my first visit to the Phoenix area, I am finally going to have the opportunity to reconnect with my dear friend Susan.
I can only giggle as I realize I do not even know my friend’s family – I have never met her husband, and have only been briefly introduced to her beautiful daughters. My friendship with Susan goes back several years – but has been mostly limited to sharing magical space together in Spiritual retreats and gatherings.
But for some reason, I feel an incredibly deep bond with this beautiful friend. She is the same magical being who came to my home on August 8, 2008 at 8:08 p.m. to perform an energy cleansing on my home – a beautiful experience that energized my soul and greatly facilitated a synchronous and rapid sale of my home during the heart of a falling economy. The details are found in my blog titled Amazing Freedom, posted Aug 9, 2009.
As I finally park in front of Susan’s beautiful home in Scottsdale, I am giggling with anticipation.
My weekend in the Phoenix area is delightful as I bond with Susan’s family, participating in barbeques, yummy food, swimming, hiking, movies, shopping, and even video games. But my favorite time is that of sharing chocolate and meditation time with my beautiful friend.
I am so blessed to have so many such amazing friends in my life.
A New Charge
Monday, August 15 begins as any other normal day – well at least as any normal travel day. After hugging my dear friend Susan (and her family) goodbye, I stop at a grocery store for a few items to stow away in my ice chest before making an average every-day stop at a nearby gas station.
But as I turn the ignition key to resume my journey, absolutely nothing happens. Confusion sets in when the battery seems fine – the horn honks loudly, the headlights shine bright, but the key invokes no response other than to cause a flashing array of lights to blink on and off on my dashboard.
Thirty minutes later, when my roadside-assistance company shows up to help, I am actually quite surprised when a simple jump-start does the trick. But after running a few tests, it seems that I have a more pressing problem. The intense Arizona heat has drained all remaining life force out of my now-feeble six-year-old battery. Before today, I never knew that extreme heat can be just as draining on a battery as is intense bitter cold.
As I finally drive away from the western perimeter of the Phoenix area, I am all charged up for the next phase of my journey, and so is my brand-spanking-new battery.
Frustration And Panic
I am doing something that I have rarely done in stateside travel. I have decided to spend the next few days traveling without a plan of any type. My niece, Carol, in San Diego is not available until Thursday, and I have three days to simply explore.
Prior thoughts were that I might explore the southern border of the US while finding some nice campground in which to hangout. It seems that reality has a different plan.
As I drive through southern Arizona, I quickly take note that the outside-temperature gage on my dashboard does nothing but climb. Opting to continue driving until I find something a little more mountainous and cool, I can only grin as I pass through a portion of extreme southern California dessert where my thermometer reads 112 degrees Fahrenheit (44.4 Celsius). I just smile and keep on driving.
Periodically I stop and check a map, while simultaneously consulting my intuitions. As I begin to reach the mountains of southwestern California, I more closely consult maps and campground books, but intuitions continue to push me onward. I do have to admit that by this point, ego is inserting considerable fear and frustration, sarcastically laughing at me that I will never find a spot that meets my needs. As I begin to notice the expensive campground rates, ego’s laughter grows even louder.
Finally, as I descend into the San Diego area, my sense of homelessness increases even further when I consult a guide indicating that private campgrounds near the beaches begin in the $55.00 per night range.
To make a long story short, I soon succumb to frustration and panic as I settle for the only place I can find in a 30 mile radius that is less than $30 per night – a private campground in the Escondido area, just a mile from a noisy freeway, more than thirty miles inland from the ocean.
Financial Panic
It seems that the Universe has an odd sense of humor as it sends yet another little experience in my direction. Less than one hour after setting up my tent, I get an automated phone call from my bank, reporting that my debit card has been compromised and it has been put on lockdown security alert. To unlock my card, I simply need to enter the number … and my pin.
In the midst of my frustration and disgruntled judgment at my stupid bank, I punch in all of the numbers, smile when I hear the words “Thank you, your debit card has now been unlocked,” and then immediately panic.
“I can’t believe I fell for that!” I immediately exclaim as I flog myself with self-judgment before quickly calling my bank to have the card cancelled.
In my earnestness to judge and project, I begin to blame my campground host for giving out my debit card information. It is only later that I learn that a mass phishing campaign had called nearly every Utah phone number with the same automated scam.
Yes, indeed, it was perfect timing to catch me in a state of financial meltdown – a perfect lesson sent by the Universe to remind me to let go of my attachments to spending money.
Return To Peace
As I meditate over the issue during the long night, a new sense of peace centers in my heart.
“I was strongly guided to travel for these last few years,” the silent inner voices begin reassuring me. “I received profound peace in the knowing that I need not worry about my finances during these travels – in knowing that I should simply spend the money in my accounts as necessary, trusting that everything is being guided by my own higher energies, and that my only task is to follow and trust.”
“I was also strongly guided by intuition to make this road trip to southern California,” the whispers continue. “Quit worrying about the money … trust your guidance … and enjoy the experience.”
Then the real question floats into my mind.
“If fears about money were taken out of the equation, where would I go and what would I do for the next two and a half days while waiting to visit my niece”
The answer floods my heart with peace. I will check into an inexpensive motel somewhere near the beach. I will simply allow myself to be present, meditating on the beach, reading, shopping, resting … whatever comes my way … and it will all be perfect.
Pure Bliss
My next forty-eight hours are pure bliss, as I do exactly that. Early Tuesday morning I park my belongings in a small motel situated about fifteen minutes from the beach in Oceanside, California. For parts of three days I enjoy meditating on the beach, strolling on the pier, slurping down a yummy ice cream shake, diving into a six-hundred-page novel, shopping for clothes, and even simply giving myself permission to watch meaningless television without the customary guilt.
“I definitely made the correct decision in following my heart.” I giggle inside.
Late Thursday morning, I check out of the motel. I am eager and anxious to engage in the short drive south to San Diego to visit my dear Niece, Carol.
San Diego Delight
How do I describe my love and appreciation for Carol? Back in late 1996, after I wrote a very difficult letter to extended family, she was one of the very few voices that responded back with pure loving support. Through some of the most difficult periods of my life – a time of profound change and heartache during my gender transitions – this beautiful soul set a genuine example of pure unconditional love during a period when I needed it the most.
Though we have not always maintained close contact, when we do connect, that same unconditional love continues to flow abundantly on both sides.
Around the windows in her busy schedule, Carol and I share delightful space for four energizing days, enjoying never-ending conversations, walks in the dog park, a movie, yummy food, and yes … two beautiful chocolate meditations.
To my amazement, Carol has a long fascination with the energy of traditional chocolate – having begun researching and even writing/speaking about the ancient history of chocolate while she worked for the California State Park Service in the early 2000s. I am delighted to be the first to present her with pure Guatemalan chocolate – her first ever chocolate that actually contains the spiritual compounds.
Social Freedom
On Sunday, August 21, ego resistance sends up initial barriers when Carol informs me that we have been invited to a neighborhood barbeque with some people that she casually knows from the dog park.
“Would you like to go with me?” She asks before making her own decision about whether to attend.
“I would love to go!” I respond with pure confidence, as ego fears quickly dissolve into the light of truth.
Throughout my life, such social situations have been one of my biggest fears. Today it is clear to me that it is time in my life to move confidently forward. Those silly old fears will no longer control me.
In sheer amazement, I shock myself by how much I actually do enjoy this final evening in San Diego. As I joyfully and confidently interact with the other guests, I feel myself entering a new era of social confidence – of simply being my loving self while connecting at the genuine heart level with whomever I find in my surroundings.
As I drift off to sleep, late on that beautiful Sunday evening, I am actually quite eager to further explore my newfound social freedom.
Time To Reach Out
I drive with loving focus and determination – pressing forward in meditative peace as I spend the entire day maneuvering through traffic on I15 – an interstate highway that stretches from San Diego all the way to Salt Lake City and beyond.
Eleven hours after having hugged Carol goodbye early on Monday morning, I am again hugging another friend ‘hello’, engaging in a short visit before returning to my comfortable, temporary home in Jeanette’s spare room.
For the first time in my travels, I am now eager and excited to reach out further – to make an increased effort to reconnect with many additional friends. Tuesday morning I begin making the happy phone calls – calls that result in my calendar filling up ever so quickly. I love the resulting breakfast, lunch, and dinner appointments as I giggle and share experiences with long-lost friends.
Energy Sensitivities
My dear friend Mont holds a special place in my heart. I first met him in Sept 2008, but did not fully connect until I later followed an intuitive guidance to schedule a crystal-healing session with him. During that beautiful session, I experienced the amazing gifts of his energetic connectedness. I instantly knew he was someone that I wanted to get to know.
There is no doubt that I will see Mont during my travels, and I hope to share chocolate with him as well, but it is not until Friday, August 26, that I feel a sudden sense of urgency telling me, “Contact Mont today … you will be doing chocolate with him tomorrow.”
After following my guidance, I am delighted by the result. It seems that on Thursday, Mont had reconnected with an old friend of ours – one who told him about her own amazing chocolate meditation with me. When I finally call Mont on Friday evening, he is eager and anxious to spend the majority of Saturday, sharing chocolate and performing a crystal session on me. I love the beautiful results of following divine guidance.
For three relaxing hours, Mont and I engage in meditation and spiritual conversation while enjoying the energetic connecting effects of chocolate. Then for three additional hours, I am blown away by my own energy sensitivity as Mont performs a crystal healing/balancing session on me.
To my delight and amazement, I can actually feel the energy of nearly every crystal that Mont places on my body. I am not sure if it is the chocolate or simply my increased sensitivity to the energies – or perhaps both – but I love what I experience.
Synchronous Spinoffs
Imagine my delight when Mont invites me to facilitate a chocolate ceremony at his meditation group in two weeks – and when he allows me to invite myself to go hiking with him to the top of a nearby canyon during one of his upcoming weekly hikes.
As I hike up Millcreek Canyon with Mont on Sunday, September 4, I am blessed with the opportunity to ask question after question, learning from this spiritually-connected, humble giant of a man – picking his brain for five long hours while listening with fascination as I learn about his own journey of connecting with the light.
My subsequent chocolate ceremony with Mont’s meditation group is a highlight of my experiences in Utah. With deep loving confidence, I intuitively guide that large Monday evening gathering through meditation and discussion.
This chocolate stuff is getting to be quite fun.
Medical Wrap-up
Having no medical insurance, nor any major medical complaints to speak of, I strongly resist a small inner nudge telling me to engage in a some routine doctor visits that will serve to solve a few nagging questions that persist in the back of my mind.
It seems that the Universe needs to nudge me a little stronger, however, as I am finally “blessed” with a mild Urinary Tract Infection just a few days after returning from San Diego. Knowing exactly what I have, I initially grumble about the need to jump through the hoops of the medical profession, when, if I were in Guatemala I could simply run to the local “farmacia” and purchase exactly what I already know that I need.
Once I peacefully process through that initial resistance, returning home with my filled prescription of Ciprofloxacin, I decide to simply throw resistance to the wind and “just do it already.”
To my amazement, the process is extremely simply and inexpensive.
In the midst of delightful conversational bantering, my dentist checks my titanium implants for free, reassuring me that even though one crown has fallen off twice during my travels – that it is now glued on quite securely.
My eye doctor only charges me $40 for a short visit in which he tells me that my vision has indeed improved significantly during my travels. I now see better without my glasses than I do with them. Then, to my relief, a persistent background fear simply melts into nothingness when the doctor reassures me that the growth in my right eye – what some people told me last fall might be a cataract – is merely a common and innocuous growth called a pingueculum – absolutely nothing to worry about.
And last, but not least, my medical doctor only charges me a $70 cash discount price for an extended office visit where he freezes numerous skin growths on my back and gives me a new prescription for hormones without requiring me to engage in any expensive laboratory workups. As you may recall, I stopped taking my Guatemalan-purchased pills last summer after intuitions told me that what I was consuming was simply not good for me.
I am grateful to have finally settled the little nagging ego-doubts – and the whole process only took me two days after finally moving beyond my silly resistance.
Expanding Energy
In Early August, I had attended a monthly breakfast gathering where a beautiful spiritual friend (Erma) asked me to take a few minutes to share about my journeys. After speaking for nearly ten minutes, I politely ended my rambling, indicating that I could talk for hours about my travels, but that I know we do not have time right now.
“Then why don’t you come and speak to our Monday night ‘A Course In Miracles (ACIM)’ group on August 29th.” Beautiful Erma had quickly asked as a follow up.
The words, “I would be delighted,” flowed quickly off my tongue. I am shocked by how easily I said “Yes” when just a couple of years ago I would have been so profoundly terrified by such a request.
As Monday evening, August 29, 2011, moves into the present moment, I am delighted by the ensuing experience as I confidently speak without notes for a full 90 minutes, sharing story after story about the beautiful experiences of trusting my heart and following my own inner guidance.
To my delight, in early September, when I call another old friend from a different ACIM group, asking if I can attend one of her meetings, I immediately have another invitation to speak at her home just two days later.
Both experiences prove delightfully rewarding, and end up spawning five separate chocolate ceremonies with groups, as well as several one-on-one private sessions. I love how the flow of chocolate energy just keeps expanding.
Heart-Warming Words
What was once an uncertain fear is now a profound joy. I love the special times in which I have been invited to spend one-on-one time with my children and grandchildren during these past two months – but I am especially delighted by the giggling times I have had with many of the grandchildren.
If there had only been one single reason for my return visit to Utah, the following would be it:
After spending a particularly giggly Saturday evening playing with two of my granddaughters, my beloved son-in-law shocks me when he looks at his wife, my daughter, and speaks the following words.
“Brenda, thank you for the way in which you raised your children.”
Even now, as I write these beautiful words, hoping and praying that I am not breaching family privacy boundaries, my heart overflows with profound gratitude as tears bubble in the corner of my eyes.
Inexpressible Gratitude
My last two weeks in Salt Lake City are delightfully busy – with eight chocolate ceremonies in the final ten days of my travels.
These last weeks have blossomed in such amazing ways. I cannot even begin to express enough gratitude as I start to summarize the outcome of a totally unplanned trip – a trip in which I simply knew that I needed to go home to connect with family and friends, and to share chocolate with some of those friends.
I do not have fully accurate statistics, but I ended up engaging in over seventeen one-on-one private sessions and at least thirteen group ceremonies – sharing chocolate with at least ninety different individuals, the vast majority of whom I had never met before this trip back to Utah.
To my unexpected delight, at many of these ceremonies I received unsolicited cash donations that not only covered the cost of the chocolate – but which also more than covered my round-trip airfare, and about half of my gasoline expenses.
During the eleven-and-a-half weeks of my travels, I ended up paying for only five nights of lodging (three nights in hotels and two nights camping – four of which were during my road trip). From start to finish, I was blessed by loving donations – Hostel La Candelaria in Valladolid, Jaydee in Cozumel, Jeanette in Salt Lake City, and several other friends/family during my two-week road trip.
And how can I possibly thank the many friends for countless meals that were either provided in-home, or for which the tabs were picked up at restaurant encounters.
Yes, my heart swells with joy, gratitude, appreciation, humility, love, peace, thankfulness, and … the list could go on forever.
And The Growth Goes On
I spend Wednesday, September 21, finalizing my suitcase packing and moving a few remaining items into storage. All of my physical affairs are now fully prepared for a much anticipated return to San Marcos La Laguna, Sololá, Guatemala – a place that I am now frequently and lovingly referring to as my home (at least for this coming year).
One issue remains unresolved, however. Throughout these past eleven weeks, my solar plexus has grown increasingly swollen and painful – energetically poking me whenever I connect with it in meditation. Repeatedly, various energy workers have approached me and lovingly brought my awareness to the energetic blockage – a blockage about which I am acutely aware.
Yet, nearly everyone with whom I discuss this issue is also in full agreement that the resolution to my energetic blockage is not one involving light cannons to blast away the density currently manifesting itself in my abdomen. On the contrary, intuitions strongly guide me that my job is to simply hold loving energetic space for this growing metaphorical manifestation – sending pure unconditional love to my solar plexus while patiently waiting for the answers to unfold at exactly the perfect time.
While I would love the prickly energy to hurry up, I now recognize that this lesson will be returning on the plane to Guatemala with me.
After a beautiful farewell dinner with my dear friends Michelle and Jeanette, I feel as if I am drifting between worlds when my two beautiful friends drop me off in my own car, hugging me briefly on the curb of the Salt Lake City airport, before driving away and disappearing into the distance.
Heartfelt gratitude holds my hands as I turn and walk into the bustling airport. I have a plane to catch. I am going home.
Copyright © 2011 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved