After a restless sleep, being mostly awake since 4:00 a.m., I finally stroll out to Keith’s magical porch for a Friday afternoon session of more deep inner work. Even as I walk, my solar plexus is already manifesting sharp pains.
By the time we begin the “Glow Meditation”, a large crowd of twenty-four people have gathered for this May 4, 2012 ceremony. As the glow continues, my abdomen is extremely bloated and swollen, and the pains in my solar plexus are increasingly agonizing. When I check in with my heart, it is alive and filled with peace, giving me the message that what I feel in my abdomen may belong to others. I attempt to muscle test myself, asking my body for confirmation as to whether this is my own density, or if perhaps I am simply reading others’ emotions. The result is inconclusive, and I am unable to trust myself.
It seems that I continue to struggle with trusting this eye-opening process to understand my journey as an empath.
Being Weaned
Just before 1:00 p.m., a sharp earthquake jolts the porch for approximately ten seconds. It is only a 4.2 magnitude tremor, but with the epicenter very close to Lake Atitlan, the shaking is one of the strongest I have felt during my time in Guatemala. It seems that the Universe is again announcing that my life is in for another shake-up.
As the “Glow Meditation” reaches conclusion, Keith looks around the porch and asks if anyone would like personal assistance. I immediately raise my hand and explain the sharp solar plexus pains that are overwhelming me.
“This is one of those times that you are being weaned from needing to know the details,” Keith responds. “Trust your flow and don’t try to figure it out today.”
“Am I regressing into more childhood pain or something,” I beg Keith for a hint or clue.
Keith simply smiles, does not directly answer my question, encourages me to trust my flow, and then moves on to work with others.
A Bloody Vertical Scar
After Keith briefly works with a few other people, he does something quite out of the ordinary.
“We are going to do a brief basket meditation,” Keith suddenly announces.
“I want everyone to close their eyes and imagine a basket in front of you. In the basket you will see, sense, or feel an object, image, emotion, or reality …” Keith leads into the meditation – a meditation that goes on for a few minutes.
To my surprise, I get a clear feeling of bandages in my basket, accompanied by a strong intuitive sense that it is time to take these bandages off. As I imagine the bandages being removed from my body, I am drawn to my belly.
Suddenly, in an unusual and very clear inner visualization, I see a vivid image of my belly, bloated and swollen, as if I am pregnant. I am even more shocked to see an ugly fresh scar running from my rib cage down to the pelvis. It is a fresh surgical cut, now closed, but still red and raw from the coloration of dried blood. The fresh scar runs vertically, right down the center of my abdomen.
Caesarean Questions
At my first opportunity, I interrupt Keith and mention what I just saw. As we talk, I get the clear feeling that this entire meditation – one he rarely does at the group level – was orchestrated just for me. This intuition is even more clear when Keith never asks anyone else what they found in their own baskets.
“What does this scar mean to you,” Keith asks me to come up with my own answer.
After a minute or two of verbally brainstorming from a rational-mind basis – talking about energy channels and power connections from heart to solar plexus – I finally blurt out something that feels quite profound.
“This raw bloody scar represents the psychic surgery that I did on myself to sever my power connections as a child.” I clearly state. “It was not done by my parents or by anyone else … I did it to myself.”
Soon, my new friend Angela asks permission to add a questioning comment.
“Were you delivered caesarean?” She asks with confidence. “I am seeing it so clearly with you.”
“Yes, I was,” I respond in shock. “It was an emergency C-section. I was breech, scheduled to be delivered a day later, but for some reason, one that nobody ever shared with me, I was delivered the night before.”
“Are you suggesting that this scar is symbolic of my birth … of my mother delivering me?” I ask Angela to share more intuition. “That scenario does not feel quite right.”
A Psychic Suicide
Angela quickly comes over to hold space for me. At first, I instinctively resist outside assistance, but soon surrender and appreciate her energy. I feel a deep connection with her … one that Keith later confirms that he had noticed when she was first in San Marcos a few months ago.
“Sit with the metaphors and think about them more,” Keith encourages me to go deeper.
Soon, I have a profound intuitive image of myself as a young toddler or child – perhaps between the ages of three and five – sitting alone in a closet, performing a psychic-surgery abortion on myself in order to remove my magical baby self – a magical self that was already causing me a great number of problems with fitting in.
“I have a clear image of me psychically cutting myself open and aborting my magic,” I fill Keith in a few minutes later.
“Yes, yes, yes … I feel it,” Angela suddenly expresses her own inner confirmation of my statement. “I got shivers all over when you said that.”
I feel this inner metaphor quite strongly as I repeatedly experience intuitive glimpses of a tiny toddler feeling a painful and desperate need to commit energetic suicide. I am all alone … terrified … deeply sad … having no one to talk to. This image of sitting in a closet, aborting my magical self is profoundly real.
“I feel as if I am regressing back in time in my childhood,” I share unfolding feelings with Keith. “I am at an emotional time right after killing my magic, when the cuts were still unhealed.”
“Just let this experience flow through you,” Keith encourages. “There is no need for head involvement. Just be in your flowing river, letting go of a need for understanding.”
Following The Flow
As I sit with this profound and painful meditative metaphor, simply disengaging my mind while in a state of “just being”, I observe countless repeated distractions that go on all over the porch … people moving around, singing, talking, ohm-ing, etc…
Instead of sinking into judgment and rebellion over present-moment interruptions, I choose to see the events on the porch as being a mirror representing my profound distractions as a child. I desperately wanted to heal myself, but as a child, no one around me seemed to care … no one was there to hold space or to assist in what I needed to do … there were just distractions, with no attention paid to my needs.
Suddenly, I watch with deep interest as Keith does something I have NEVER before seen him do. He is working with a woman who is deeply stuck in the conditioning of her childhood cultural/religious box. He has the group assemble a double-layer row of cushions and then asks this woman to lie down on her back, with the rest of the group gathering around her.
I am still deep in my own process, but something about what is happening draws me in.
“Should I stay in my process, or should I participate with the group,” I ask Keith for his guidance.
“Yes, Brenda, please participate.” Keith strongly encourages. “You will see something very powerful that you have never seen before.”
Emotional Meltdown
With the woman lying on her back, Keith asks everyone to place his or her hands on her and to hold her down. I find myself sitting at her head, placing my two hands on the sides of her forehead to gently restrain her head from moving. Then Keith places his hand over her mouth and nose, carefully and gently making it temporarily impossible for her to breathe.
“Now sit up,” Keith tells the woman. “Get out of your suffocating box. Fight to sit up.”
I want to make it clear here, that there is no life-threatening force being used … no abuse taking place. The woman is in complete control of her process, and could easily push Keith’s hands away at any moment. Instead, it is an experiential example of how her conditioning box literally felt to her as a child.
As soon as the woman physically starts to struggle to get up, she begins to cry and sob. I keep my hands gently on her forehead, but soon let go and return to my own seat as I too begin to cry. I have hit deep emotions as I feel my own inner child struggling to break free of the suffocating conditioning that prevents me from experiencing joy … that forced me to energetically kill myself.
As I sit lightly crying on my own cushion, Keith asks me to hold space for the woman next to me who is also crying. I try to assist her for a few minutes, but am so lost in my own emotional reaction that I am unable to maintain composure. Finally, I disconnect and lean back against the wall as I melt into deep emotional tears of anger at my own shutdown and energetic suicide.
Releasing Rational Mind
“Can I sit behind you and hold you,” Angela soon asks.
“Yes, please,” I surrender in tears, giving up on a past pattern of resisting such offers.
The distractions on the porch continue in crazy fashion. Several people are not at all present with what is going on – but I struggle to simply ignore external events and continue to see them as an inner mirror.
As the distractions continue, however, I fight inner urges to stand up and just leave the porch. I feel so deeply disconnected from the group. I feel like such a social loser. I am profoundly stuck in my process, not understanding anything that is going on.
“Your energy is wide open and a lot of things are moving,” Angela lovingly reassures me as she continues to hold me from behind.
I trust Angela’s feedback because I know that she is deeply gifted in energetic sensitivity.
My rational mind wants me to run away, but I simply thank my head and continue to follow Keith’s original guidance telling me that today is a day to stay out of my head.
“The emotions I feel are extremely out of proportion to the actual events,” I remind myself. “I am regressed into childhood emotions, and I need to let them flow unobstructed. I do not need to understand them, nor do I need to figure out where they came from.”
Anger To Sadness
Finally, someone across the porch begins to tone “ohm” sounds in an effort to pull the group back together. I resist at first, feeling that this vocal toning is just another annoying distraction, but finally I join in with a few harmonious sounds of my own.
As I do so, I begin to sink into deep emotion. The tears are minimal, but my teeth chatter wildly as dry emotional heaves pour out of my throat. I wish I could isolate and I do briefly consider pulling a scarf over my head to hide my humiliation and embarrassment about once-again being the crybaby on Keith’s porch. I am so tired of emotional release.
Intuitively, I recognize that I am now profoundly regressed into the emotional state of that child in the closet as I kill my magical baby through an energetic psychic-surgery abortion. The emotions are intense, beginning as anger.
I start to emit loud vocal tones as I sob out the angry emotions. I quickly grab a pillow and begin punching madly. Within seconds, Keith grabs several other pillows and places them in front of me for my physical protection.
“Yes, go for it Brenda,” Keith encourages me.
Suddenly I cease punching as the emotions shift from intense anger to overwhelming sadness – deeply anguished, heartbroken sadness about having had to do what I did to my energetic body.
Flowing Energetic Heat
As I near the end of this profound emotional release, I note with a brief glimpse that most of the porch is now gathered around holding space for me as another woman who seems to have been deeply touched, and given permission by my own work, begins to sink into her own version of deep emotional release.
“It is time to let the light come in to help you,” Keith soon encourages me.
I focus on inviting and allowing the light, not feeling much at first, but soon experiencing beautiful energetic movements in the crown and back of my head, all the way down to the top of my neck.
“Wow, your energy flow is extremely strong,” Keith surprises me. “There is a lot of heat flowing out of you.”
“If anyone wants to come over and feel how Higher Energy feels when flowing through someone else,” Keith announces to the group, “come over and put your hand here on Brenda.”
For the next fifteen minutes or so, Keith repeatedly talks to one person after another as they come over to experience the flow of energy that, to me, is still a little difficult to perceive. I feel the energy, and my body is so hot that I remove my sweatshirt, but with my reduced sensitivities, the flow does not feel very special to me.
“Wow, Brenda, You have amazingly powerful energy,” Angela lovingly reassures me. “It feels to me as if a warrior is waking up inside you, while maintaining a strong feminine heart as well.”
I love all the attention and support, but wish that I could be able to feel it more clearly in myself.
Trickles Of Light
After a while, as this process continues, I begin to experience sharp pains in my lower chakras. I note that my heart remains peaceful and strong, and soon ask Keith for new guidance.
“Allow the pains to expand and to consume you,” Keith encourages.
“These could be pains from healing,” someone else jumps in. “Allow them to heal.”
Keith then confirms that the Higher Energies are assisting in the healing of all the raw and open wounds and incisions from my psychic surgery.
The pains are intense as I focus on bringing in some light from the Divine Mother. Finally, after several minutes of trying to surrender and allow, I begin to feel a trickle of peaceful release.
“There Brenda,” Keith interrupts before I provide any feedback, “can you feel that feeling like a cool breath of air in your second chakra?”
“Yeah,” I do feel that,” I respond.
I sit with this experience for a while as my entire abdominal region relaxes and shifts into deep peace. Yet the incoming energy continues to just trickle in.
Scream It Out
After a while, the pains return. I sit with them, and surrender to them, but to my dismay, the emotions begin to build inside me to a point of wanting to explode.
“Breathe down, into the pains,” someone nearby encourages me.
I begin to focus on deep abdominal breathing, and as I do so, the emotions begin to consume me.
“Yeah, Brenda,” Angela encourages, “go into it, let it come up.
Soon, I am in more anger.
“Scream it out, Brenda,” Angela pushes while the entire porch holds space.
Finally, letting go of my pride, I give myself permission to scream, and I do so with intensity for about ten minutes, screaming over and over again. As I do so, I feel the energies in my second chakra literally begin to vibrate and move quite painfully with each scream. It is as if I am literally stirring them up and pushing them out with my screams.
I am deeply grateful to Angela for giving me the courage and feedback to go for it. I even notice that Paul has been lovingly holding space for me as well.
Tired Exhaustion
When the screams stop, I return to more sadness and whimpering as I bend forward on the pillows.
“Bring in the light now, Brenda,” Keith guides me. “It is time to stop doing it all yourself. Let the light help you.”
Gradually, I sit up and reconnect with the flow of heat, love, and light energy in my head. I also note that I feel slightly more connected to Mother Earth below … but am still in a state of post-traumatic-but-peaceful shock.
“Wow, your energy is strong,” Angela again provides beautiful feedback. “The warrior is opening up, but in a soft feminine way. You have very strong and powerful energy.”
As I sit with this experience, tired exhaustion begins to consume me. Angela pulls me back into her chest, where I simply rest and integrate for a very long time. As I do so, I literally feel her unconditional love flowing into the back of my heart.
Late-Night Integration
Finally, the area around my bladder deeply begins to hurt. I start to gently poke and punch myself, attempting to stimulate more energy flow – letting things move as they may.
Angela continues to hold me until the end of ceremony, after which I sit up and we continue to talk. Many others stop by to hug me as they filter off the porch. I remain somewhat in shock about the depths of my emotions today.
Soon, Keith joins in the conversation with Angela as the three of us talk for another thirty minutes. I thrive on the opportunity to discus and decompress what happened today. The majority of what happened continues to remain a mystery to rational-mind, but I simply trust that what I did was profound and life changing.
As I later gobble down a late-evening plate of rice and beans, energetic movements continue to twitch in my lower abdomen. The integration goes on late into the night.
Saturday Sagas
Saturday morning, May 5, 2012, I wake up exhausted. A weird, spinning-like energy lightly consumes my crown and third-eye chakras, and I am unable to focus with rational thought.
After breakfast, as I sit in an attempt to prepare for writing, I still struggle with concentration. Finally, I just go back to bed, giving myself permission to sleep – but I cannot sleep.
Just before noon, I walk out to Keith’s home to ask about a problem with my blender, and end up also asking about the dizzying energy in my head.
“It is just part of your process,” Keith gently reassures me. “I’m getting that it is still you, as your child, shortly after you shut the magic down, feeling the confusion and swirling energy after blocking your energy channels.”
When I return home, I discover an email message from Angela, expressing a desire to get together over lunch. Part of me wants to isolate and crash, but another encourages me to go find her at her hotel. Soon, we are enjoying lunch at a nearby restaurant. We talk and talk and talk. Finally, as 6:30 p.m. comes and goes and darkness begins to set in, I look at Angela with a giggle.
“Do you want to eat dinner here too?” I ask.
An hour and a half later, after sharing conversation for nearly eight hours over two meals, we hug and part company. I am deeply grateful for our budding friendship – a friendship that will turn out to be both inspiring and challenging.
A Trigger Intro
After several hours of weird powerful dreams – dreams that I cannot remember – my roommate Sufi returns home from a late night of partying with friends. Not being used to sharing space, I wake up when she comes in and learn that a friend of ours was locked out of her hotel, and that she will be spending the night at my place.
Of course I am grateful to be able to provide a sleeping space for this dear stranded woman – but I am also quite deeply triggered by the circumstances. The “party scene” profoundly triggers my teenage social nightmares, and to have my friend partying early into the morning causes deep inner social projections to begin stirring wildly in my solar plexus. As much as I love these two friends, the idea of being a refuge for someone under these circumstances causes inexplicable inner distress in my soul. I do not yet know it, but this will be an ongoing trigger – a trigger destined to eventually take me where I need to go in my own process.
Because of my emotional status, the remainder of my sleep consists of short broken stints of half-sleep.
To make matters even more interesting, as I get out of bed to meditate at 7:30 a.m., my keys are not where I left them on the kitchen table. Sufi has used them to lock the outer metal door and has taken them into her room. I am trapped in my own home and feel the frustration of knowing that I will need to either ignore the dilemma while meditating indoors, or I will need to wake Sufi up to ask for my key.
Since emotional charges and projections are surging in my body, I opt to simply feel my frustrations and ignore the dilemma – instead choosing this opportunity to look at why I am affected so emotionally by such an innocent situation.
Blind Intuition
The ceremony on Sunday afternoon is one of those experiences that I crave – one in which none of my own emotional issues surface – one in which I can get a glimpse of the beauty of being able to energetically assist others in their own process.
On the one hand, I am quite proud of myself for how I help, but on the one hand, I still experience many doubts, knowing that I am mostly acting on blind intuition, not feeling much energetic feedback to confirm what I am doing. I am quite frustrated by the sensation of simply “faking it till I make it” in my energy work. I want to feel it in a way that eliminates all rational-mind doubts.
Several times, during this beautiful ceremony, I ask Keith about sharp pains that I feel in my own abdomen. I am not sure if they are my own issue or if I am just reading the emotions of others.
“Just ignore the pains,” Keith repeatedly responds to my questions. “Don’t attach to them, do not identify with them, and just allow them to be what they are while remaining in your power.”
“I can be in my power even with such pains,” I ponder with clarity. “There is not always a need to figure it out … I can just allow my process to unfold.”
Intuitively, I recognize that I am learning to let emotional stuff run through me while remaining in my power … remaining non-attached and non-identified to such pains.
Budding Social Nightmares
After the ceremony concludes, many of those present decide to go out to dinner together. I resist the invitation, mainly because I am not interested in socializing with Paul. I have lovingly learned to be around his energy in ceremonies, but I still have no desire to socialize with him in a close conversational way. When I learn that Paul is not interested in going to the restaurant where people decide to go, I finally drop my resistance and decide to tag along.
I have been creating a regressed social nightmare for myself in the last few months. With all of the humiliating gossip spread by Paul, and with my life-long aversion to socializing with people that I do not know very well, I have isolated myself from most social situations. As has been the constant case, I am so consumed by doing deep inner work, recovering from that inner work, and by my passion of writing about inner work, that I have little energy left over for much of anything else.
But the main reason I have remained mostly isolated is that I am repeatedly regressing into social nightmares of my teenage years, and any situation that reminds me of those nightmare years takes me into a “Hell no, I won’t go” type of feeling.
With the best of hopes, I tag along with Sufi and Angela. Even when Paul shows up unexpectedly, I manage to maintain a peaceful presence. But as soon as I finish eating, I excuse myself and run. I am eager to integrate and take notes for the day – and I am feeling deep teenage social fears. Not only am I having a hard time hearing in the noisy environment, but also a distracting energy swirls in my head, and I just need to leave.
Downed Power Lines
As I finish my notes and go to bed, late Sunday evening, my abdomen begins to hurt like crazy with sharp and stinging internal pains. Finally, intuitive feelings tell me to bring the pains up into my heart.
While breathing deep, I use my will to pull on the pains. To my surprise, the pains are indeed energy … and they gradually migrate upward into the nail-in-my-heart spot at the center of my heart chakra. Gradually the pain in my abdomen fades, with only an occasional sharp poke that I quickly pull up into my heart. As the pains focus in the center of my heart, they also gradually dissolve.
As I continue meditating, I get the metaphorical image of downed power lines buzzing around in my abdomen. The power has been turned off for most of my life, but these power lines are now hot and active – now hurting me because of my increased energy sensitivities. The act of pulling the pains into my heart is symbolically reconnecting a layer of my downed power lines back into my heart.
I remain in this process until I peacefully fall asleep.
Emotional Freight Trains
At 2:00 a.m. – when I am awakened unexpectedly by Sufi’s noise – I realize that a great deal of energy is flowing through me. When I focus on it, I feel this powerful energy in my abdomen and lower back as well as in my shoulders and head.
The strength of this power flow is somewhat overwhelming, and returning to sleep is quite difficult. Metaphorically, it feels as if someone hooked up the power lines. I cannot handle the flow … I am not yet used to it.
Finally, after eventually getting a little more sleep, I sit in front of my computer preparing to begin a day of writing – but continued flowing energies, and overwhelming sleepiness soon put an end to that aspiration.
As I surrender and go back to bed, I am shocked with a powerful wave of emotion that rages through me just a few seconds later. Blindsided as if out of nowhere, this freight train of emotion barrels through, causing coughing, wheezing, deep dry heaving, and buckets of teeth-chattering sobs.
Wow! I have absolutely no idea what this emotion is. All I know is that it is intense, sad, painful, profound, and probably from childhood at around the time I was barely shutting down my magic. Yet the emotion I feel is foreign and unrecognized – and there is no present-day reason for it.
After a few minutes, the emotion dries up and I focus on bringing in the light. Soon, all traces of the emotional rampage have vanished – yet that strong swirling energy continues to flow in my head and abdomen.
Rivers Of Muck
At 10:22 a.m., I make a second attempt at writing, but again I am unable to focus and I quickly return to bed.
To my shock, a few minutes later another inexplicable wave of intense emotion rages through me. Intuitions tell me this second wave is childhood isolation, hopelessness, futility, and aloneness … a sensation of giving up on people … and giving up on life.
Just like the first wave, this emotion soon vanishes and I replace the empty space with more light energy. Intuitions tell me that what I am experiencing are intense waves of childhood emotion. As Keith frequently reminds me when such emotions are released, we often have to experience a portion of these emotional rivers in the conscious mind – and that it is crucial to remain non-attached and non-identified to such rivers of past muck. I am quite proud of myself for being successfully able to do so.
Still swirling with energy, but being unable to rest, I finally walk to a nearby restaurant where I Skype a dear friend for a few hours. I love how connecting to this friend can do so much to remind me that I am NOT the utter social loser that I am now regressing into quite frequently.
Parallel Journeys
Late Monday afternoon, I am blessed with a gift of participating in a private ceremony for a beautiful young woman. In her work, she engages in an amazing and vivid past-life regression. In her regression, she begins to experience horrendous guilt. As that guilt flow through her, she is consumed by it and it feels to her as if it is absolutely real in this lifetime.
As I hold space for this beautiful process, my tummy bloats with intense swelling. Similar emotions from my own childhood again flow through me. I do not wish to interfere in this dear young woman’s profound process, but the emotional pain is so intense that I struggle to hold space while engaging in deep breathing to suppress my own experience – allowing it to flow quietly without visible outward expression.
Somehow, I manage to maintain my own process in the background while continuing to hold a magical space for this young woman. At one point, Keith takes note of my process, touches me gently on the arm, and makes eye contact – quietly letting me know through gestures that he is deeply aware of my painful process.
Giving Birth With The Pain
When the other young woman’s process is complete, I isolate to the edge of the porch and breathe deeply, attempting to remain centered and distracted. It takes an all-out effort not to burst into intense painful tears. I know this is not present-day emotion and I am desperately attempting not to attach or identify.
As Angela prepares to leave, to go meet another friend, she stops to talk to me, acknowledging that she is able to feel my pain. Immediately, I begin to cry. She works with me for a few minutes, sharing an insight that she feels “as if I am giving birth with this pain”. As I ponder her words, I realize that, in a way, I am.
“Allow, trust, and surrender,” Keith soon jumps into the conversation. “You are doing very well. The pains you are experiencing are energetic.”
Keith goes on to share his guidance that while some of the pain is present-day fear and resistance to what is happening, that most of what I am experiencing is indeed from my childhood.
“This is about surrendering and allowing the light to help you,” Keith adds more insight.
He explains that there is nothing I, myself, can physically do to open the blockages, to reconnect the cut power lines – that it is the light that will help me when it is time. Keith reemphasizes that what I need to do is to continue releasing the doubts, fears, and emotions that prevent me from allowing the light in to help.
A Wild Ride
Finally, I clearly realize that my process is ongoing, and that it is not going to further shift tonight if I sit any longer on Keith’s porch. I am much more stable, still experiencing sharp pains – but they are now far less intense. I am in a process that is beyond my rational-mind ability to control.
“What you are doing is beautiful and powerful, and you are doing very well,” Keith again reminds me. “It might take hours, days, weeks, or who knows … just stay out of your head and allow it to unfold.”
After staying up until after midnight in a beautiful conversation with Sufi, I finally get a good night of sleep. On Tuesday, I am able to focus and resume writing. When I later post a blog titled “A Wild Ride,” I cannot help but relate the title to my present journey. It has indeed continued to be a very wild ride.
Remember, Allow, And Embrace
These last five days have been an amazing journey into flowing energetic light and heat, dizzying energy swirling in my head, moving energetic pains from abdomen to heart, and intense drive-by episodes of intense emotional freight trains that appear and then disappear within minutes.
Through unexpected experiential processes, I personally relived the emotional horror of feeling suffocated and held in a tight box by societal and religious conditioning – conditioning that really does prevent the free breathing of divine life force.
And I have made a new friend – one that I know will play a significant role in my future process. But my ongoing struggle with regression into social dysfunction continues to dominate present-day reality with emotions that simply have no basis in fact – yet I find myself increasingly lost in those emotions – a journey that will take many weeks to resolve.
And in all of my meditations, I have rarely seen as vivid an image as the one I saw last Friday – an image of my pregnant belly, vertically cut from sternum to pelvis – a profound image that has taken me on a very wild ride of regressions into childhood emotions surrounding the metaphor of energetic suicide.
Did I really perform an energetic abortion on a magical baby in my abdomen while sitting in a closet somewhere between age three to five? Of course not!
The images, symbols, and metaphorical stories that come up when working with the subconscious mind are simply mechanisms that allow me to communicate with inner energies – actual energies that are quite real, and that deeply influence my life.
I am quite clear that what I am doing by peeling back layer after layer of subconscious beliefs and emotional densities is taking me ever closer to regaining that magic which was never lost – magic that has remained in the safekeeping of my Higher Self for decades – magic that is eagerly waiting for me to remember, allow, and embrace.
Copyright © 2012 by Brenda Larsen, All Rights Reserved